JOURNAL OF A LOST BOY

Let the Journey Continue...

2007-04-06T06:59:00.000+08:00

...at RenRobles.com, which is where I'll be posting most of my blog entries from now on. I've got a couple of new entries up right now, actually. Check it out.

Live Like You Were Dying

2007-01-17T05:06:00.000+08:00

Before he left for Brunei, our HSM choreographer, Dan Cabrera, told us to live each day as if it were our last. It was one way to guarantee that we would be happy with our lives, because we'd keep going for whatever it is we want to. It's possible to do everything we want to do; it's just that normally, something holds us back.

The other day, the same theme popped up in a conversation. "Carpe diem" was the famous quote from Dead Poets Society. Seize the day. It's basically diving head first into whatever life throws at us. It's embracing the situation no matter how dire.

Later that night, I found out (and saw) that one of my closest friends got into a car accident. He's fine, thank God, but it still illustrates one important fact about life: It ends, and more often than not, you don't know when.

My favorite lyric from the Rent musical - and one which continues to be my motto - is "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." I will admit that I have made many mistakes in life. There are a lot of things I wish I didn't do, and things I probably shouldn't have done. But I don't regret any of the decisions I've made. Not because I'm a heartless bastard. I don't regret them because I know they've shaped the person I am today. If it weren't for those missteps, I wouldn't have learned my lessons.

Live like you were dying.
Carpe diem.
Seize the day.
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

But there's one big thing that stops people (including myself, admittedly) from leading such a life: FEAR. There's fear of the consequences of your actions. There's fear of the action itself. There's fear of the reactions of the people involved. There's fear of failure. There's fear of rejection. There's fear of getting hurt.

I've been hurt before. A lot. Heaven knows I've done and said a lot of things that have ended with me feeling like I've hit rock-bottom, or feeling like I'm worthless. And perhaps in the moment, it's the end of the world for me. But one year later, you think about that exact same moment, and things don't seem so bad. And you may not have realized it then, but you've learned a very important lesson about yourself and about life in general.

Aside from fear, there's another thing that seems to cripple people (or at least it cripples me) and prevents them from living life to its fullest: HELPLESSNESS. It runs both ways. Sometimes, one feels helpless when faced with a certain situation, that current events can only lead to defeat, and that there's no way to stop it. And sometimes, one feels helpless when you see someone else hurting, and you know you want to help, but you don't know how to do it. It's like watching, well, a car accident, and not being able to stop it or make it better.

I've been thinking about how helpless I feel sometimes. And the easy way out sometimes is to go the emo route, to let things happen and to embrace the depression that follows. It's very defeatist, and it's something I'm good at. I've always been the person who carries the burden by himself, then grumbling about it after. But I realize now one simple solution for helplessness: Ask for help. It seems easy, but it's not. Asking for help obviously tells the world that you need help, and in this world where personal responsibility and industry are valued over cooperation, asking for help makes you look weak. But we need help sometimes. Man is a social being, and we do need the presence, company, and help of other people to survive. The danger, of course, is dependency on the other person, and while I don't have the solution to that, my theory is that cooperating with other people helps us learn how to handle things when the situation comes up again, so that eventually, we can tackle certain things on our own.

I guess I've rambled on long enough about this topic. I guess there's just one way for me to wrap this up.

Live like you were dying.
Carpe diem.
Seize the day.
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
...but I need your help. And I'm asking for your help now.
And I'll help you as well.

New Year's Resolution: Blog More!

2007-01-07T18:06:00.000+08:00

Because I realize now that expressing myself, whether or not there's a specific target, is far better than keeping things in until it's too much to contain.

Most of my updates will be at RenRobles.com, although I will still blog here every now and then. Kasi... wala lang. Hehe.

Life is Swinging...

2006-12-28T20:37:00.000+08:00

I'm having a great holiday season.

Thanks to all my friends for making this possible. It has been a blast of a week, and it more than makes up for the fiasco that was last week. Ugh.

Happy Holidays!

Christmas Spirit, and Wide-Eyed Joy

2006-12-26T05:07:00.000+08:00

It hasn't been the most Christmas-y season. I usually feel a mild holiday buzz sometime in December before Christmas, and this year, it just wasn't there. Sure, I felt a slight tinge as I was buying Christmas presents for some of my friends, and giving the actual gifts made me all warm and fuzzy inside, but it just wasn't the same. I'm sure getting sick less than a week before Christmas didn't help matters.

I was resigned to the fact that this was gonna be the least merry Christmas yet. Heck, I was at the mall wandering aimlessly on Christmas Eve!

Then Christmas came.

I thought I was heading out with my mom and my aunt for a quick Christmas lunch somewhere, then coming straight home. Instead, I found out we were headed to my stepdad's family gathering. I'm not close to that side of the family, so it was a little disappointing, admittedly, but what the hey. It's Christmas.

I'll admit I didn't exactly do anything... social at the party, and I was mostly just a silent observer. But it was somehow still a lot of fun watching the kids there. It made me wish I was a kid again. Things definitely seemed much simpler back when you were a kid. Now, years later, we're faced with so many Real World dilemmas and such that it's easy to get cynical and/or jaded around Christmastime. If there's one thing that was missing for my Christmases of late, it's that wide-eyed joy I once had as a child.

I suppose I was determined to get it back.

That night, after a quick dinner with the family, I headed for Joy's house for a little Christmas get-together. Now THAT was fun. The old friends - Mia, Harold, Joy, and I - were all there, as were some other fun folks. We headed out into the streets of Mandaluyong to enjoy Christmas. And wow, that was lots of fun! Particularly fun was going into Policarpio Street to look at the lights displays of some houses.

There were a LOT of people at Policarpio Street, and it's not hard to imagine why. A handful of houses were decorated with a LOT of lights. It was a nice treat for everyone. And that's when I found the day's wide-eyed joy moment. At that moment, I was just marvelling at what they had done to their houses, fascinated by the lights. I was awestruck.

After that short trek to Policarpio Street, we headed home for dinner, wine, and videoke. Pure unadulterated FUN was had that Christmas night.

And I guess that's one of the things that makes Christmas special. It's not the presents (although I got some awesome little gifts this year). It's the general spirit of the holiday.

To everyone who greeted me, gave me gifts, and spent the day with me: Thanks for making this one of the best Christmases of my adult life!

Looking Back at 2006

2006-12-23T05:20:00.000+08:00

Survey shamelessly stolen from Anna... because I have nothing better to do right now.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't recall making any resolutions, but I do plan on setting goals for myself for 2007. After all, I'm hoping it's gonna be a big year for me.

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Direction and discretion. I really should have better judgment when it comes to, well, life in general.

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?
May 27: Merrily We Roll Along. August 11: Aladdin Jr. September 5: My birthday! November 20 and December 1: Tending my dreams. ;)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
One is landing the role of Charley Kringas in the Rep Workshop production of Merrily We Roll Along. Another is getting into (and surviving a 5-month run of) Aladdin Jr. And of course, tending my dreams. ;)

What was your biggest failure?
Failures in judgment, there were many. ;)

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Allergies shut down my system during the last week of August. And I just recently had (have?) a bad case of food poisoning. Blecch.

Where did most of your money go?
Food, drinks, and assorted media.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Sweet Charity. Merrily We Roll Along!!! Aladdin Jr. Old Apologies. High School Musical. Voice lessons with Teacher Lionel. Moving into my Makati place. And tending my dreams, of course. ;)

What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
The Merrily We Roll Along cast recording. "Heart and Music" from A New Brain. "Alone in the Universe" from Seussical the Musical. The High School Musical soundtrack. The It's Only Life cast recording.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I can't tell. I'd like to think I'm happier, in general.
ii. thinner or fatter? No change, though this little illness is probably making me thinner,
iii.
richer or poorer? I have no idea.

What do you wish you'd done more?
Exercise. Gotten rest. (I know those two ideas are antithetical, but yeah.) Write.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Go emo, particularly while drinking.

What was your favorite TV program?
There's always Lost, The Amazing Race, Survivor, and American Idol... and now there's HEROES!

What was the best book you read?
Acting is a Job.

What did you want and get?
I got to experience living by myself. And I got a laptop! And of course, I managed to tackle a lead role in a musical. THAT was AWESOME.

What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't recall watching too many movies... But I loved The Departed, The Devil Wears Prada, and Happy Feet.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24 on the day of my birthday, and I spent it with two of my favorite people in the world. We ate at the Saisaki buffet and stuffed ourselves, then headed to my place for cake.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Shirt-and-jeans, as always. And at some point, I did the preppy thing.

What kept you sane?
Theater. Friends.

Who did you miss?
Some old friends I don't see anymore. My college blockmates and old college orgmates. My friends who have since moved to the States, or were lost to the call centers.

Who was the best new person you met?
Most of the Rep workshoppers. Teacher Lionel. Robbie and Nic. Some Aladdin and HSM cast mates.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Moderation is key. And dreams don't die, so keep an eye on your dreams...

What did you like most about yourself this year?
I followed through on taking the road-less-travelled.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
Drinking while emo.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
The lyrics to "Heart and Music."

Was 2006 a good year for you?
Definitely.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Merrily We Roll Along. I think it still ranks as the proudest moment of my life.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Anytime I went drinking while emo. I can name two incidents.

Where were you when 2006 began? Who were you with?
At home with my family, online. Boring, eh?

Where will you be when 2006 ends? Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
Ditto. Maybe.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
Just a set of personal goals.

What was your favorite month of 2006?
Hmm. May.

What was your favorite record from 2006?
I think It's Only Life came out this year, so that.

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
Two: Heart and Music, and OperaLite.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2006?
Does the sun rise in the east?

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Again, drinking while emo...

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
Merrily We Roll Along.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
Still drinking while emo...

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
I've never believed in changing things, because they always point you in the right direction, ultimately.

What are your plans for 2007?
Tend my dreams.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I'd like to think I've grown and matured. More importantly, the path to the rest of my life has been illuminated. Plus, I know who I can rely on... I hope.

What are your wishes for the new year?
World peace. *wave to camera*

Still Sick, Bah!

2006-12-22T11:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, after half a day of recovery, I thought I was feeling okay and ready to rehearse.

Boy, was I wrong.

I was fine for a couple of hours. Definitely enjoyed that little birthday surprise for Karel. And I definitely gave it my all when we ran the first few numbers.

Then my condition just started to gradually deteriorate.

It was nowhere near as bad as Wednesday night, thank goodness. No weird chills and deathly looks. Still, it was pretty bad.

As it turns out, I apparently have a case of food poisoning. Hence, all the tummy-related issues, as well as the fever that apparently comes with it. And that causes dehydration, which can't be good when I'm rehearsing.

Which is why I'm home instead of at rehearsals. Which sucks, because I really hate missing rehearsals. I could have probably have gone and just sat there, but then I'd probably still need a bathroom on standby every so often. (Yeah, it sucks.)

A friend also mentioned that I'm probably too stressed, which is why I'm more susceptible to stuff like this. Thank goodness I have this full week ahead of me to relax and do nothing. Come the new year, it's back to being active.

Blah. This is not how I wanted to end the year!

Sick

2006-12-21T05:31:00.000+08:00

Wednesday, December 20. The day of the blueREP Christmas Party. Yet another rehearsal day as well. Been looking forward to this day - or night, at the very least - for more than a week. And the superhero theme was something that was bound to be interesting. Plus... it's a blueREP party. Lots of fun (and crazy) things happen at blueREP parties. I didn't want to miss that.

Woke up that morning then had breakfast. It started out like a normal day, then for some reason, I started to get a headache during breakfast. Odd, snce eating's supposed to make you feel better, not worse. Thought it'd get better after a couple of hours.

Lunch. Headache getting worse, tummy acting up, appetite not up to par. Not a very good sign. Took some medication, hoping to ease the pains. Had to go to McDonald's to meet up with HSM ticket buyer. Finally had some food there to fill my tummy. Still not feeling 100%.

Headed to Ateneo to hang out at the blueREP room in MVP. Electric fan started to bother me; was feeling cold, started getting the chills. Tummy still churning, head still aching a bit. After a failed attempt at keeping up with the fun, decided to take a nap. Hoped it would help. Nope.

Went to the cafeteria with the cast. Started feeling even worse. Wanted to eat, but the smell of food made me want to puke. My current state was becoming obvious to others. Suggested that I drink more water, as well as juice, which I did. (The juice was GOOD, by the way.) Couldn't stay in caf, so I headed to the rehearsal venue ahead of the others.

Start of rehearsals. Head and tummy possibly at its worst. Couldn't do the warm-up properly; attempting crunches would have only made me want to puke. Unfortunately, right before we ran one of the numbers, my body decided that this was the best time to puke. So I rushed to the bathroom and puked. Felt a little bit better after that. My group wasn't being choreographed, so I used the time to get more rest. Was hoping I was getting more strength, so I could give it 100% during rehearsals and make it to the party.

Moved from SEC to Colayco. Was feeling better, after puking and remaining very still on the ground during rehearsals. Had even more water, though it didn't seem to help and left my mouth dry. The venue was open-air, and had a LOT of ceiling fans. Made me feel cold.

Started rehearsing. Was okay for the first few minutes, then my health (or whatever) started deteriorating. Was getting the chills, so I borrowed a jacket, which didn't really help since the chills were more... internal? Tried to give a hundred percent during choreo.

After choreo was done, my fever was at its worst. The chills were really bad, and I was practically immobile for the rest of rehearsals. Laura and Carla took care of me, leading me away from the winds and fans and made me drink water and take medicine. Napped for the rest of rehearsals.

When I woke up, it was obvious that I was in no condition to go to the party, which SUCKED. Headed home thanks to Laura.

I hate being sick, and it's even worse when getting sick makes me miss something I've been anticipating. I couldn't go to the party, and I couldn' concentrate on rehearsals.

I'm better now, though I don't know if I can rehearse (or at least operate at 100%) today. I'll figure that out after lunch. I still have a slight fever, and I'm trying to recuperate fully so I'm not useless at tomorrow's (possibly more important) rehearsals.

Ugh.

Um, Yeah.

2006-10-27T22:56:00.000+08:00
RenRobles.com

Because I can.

Feels Like Home

2006-10-01T23:29:00.000+08:00
I spent this weekend watching the blueREP Newbie Production, Hope for the Flowers, a rock musical adaptation of the book by Trina Paulus. It's a fun musical with a powerful and inspirational message. (If you want to catch the show, there are shows on October 5 and 6, Thursday and Friday, 7pm at the Ateneo Rizal Mini-Theater. Tickets are 150pesos each.)

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

I shall always consider blueREP as something of a second home. Returning to my old college org always feels good. I always feel welcomed by the members. It's where I feel I can be most myself.

I'm happy I've remained close with my own newbie batch, the Bye Bye Birdie babies. I'm very happy (and surprised, honestly) that last year's newbies, the Blue Revue batch, still seems to look up to me. And I'm very glad that I'm getting to know this year's batch of newbies.

Watching every blueREP show gives me a sense of pride, and it's even greater when it's a newbie production. Seeing these new members - a mix of theater/workshop veterans as well as true newbies discovering theater for the first time - experience what it was like for me three years ago (!) made me, well, hopeful for the future of this org, as well as proud of the people who were newbies alongside me. They have certainly made this org grow and blossom in the last few years.

To the oldies: Congratulations on a successful production! It's amazing how this newbie production has become a true breeding ground of fresh talent. I'm happy that the tradition of excellence is continuing in your hands.

To the newbies: Congratulations, and welcome to blueREP! Hope for the Flowers is definitely a show you can all be proud of. I hope I get to know all of you better soon.

Face it! (Face it!)
We're from blueREP! (blueREP!)
I know right!

Hehe.

Proud

2006-09-23T12:28:00.000+08:00
It was nice being back with blueREP yesterday, even if it was just for a day. Having the rest of the weekend off from Aladdin, I dropped by the Ateneo campus and check out what blueREP was up to. On the schedule yesterday: Rehearsals/sitzprobe for the newbie production Hope for the Flowers, and the CADS inter-org dance competition.

I have a special place in my heart for blueREP's newbie productions. After all, I too was a product of a newbie prod, blueREP's first, in fact. As part of the Bye Bye Birdie cast, I got to meet, know, and bond with some of the current core members such as Jill, Andrei, Kakki, Vica, etc., thus giving me (three years later... wow, has it really been that long?) a continued bond to blueREP even after graduating. I was also Head Stage Manager for last year's Blue Revue, where I got to meet (and take care of) another batch of newbies, many of whom are moving on to greater things. It was a blast being a part of that group, and watching them bond and ensure blueREP's future (and therefore giving me at least three more years of so-called "clout" within the organization, hehehe).

So naturally I was excited to see how Hope for the Flowers was shaping up. I'd seen a bit of the newbies in action during a couple of workshops, as well as some early rehearsals for the show. But yesterday, I got to see them perform onstage with the live band (the newbies get a live band for their production! I hope they know how lucky they are to have that...) as well as costumes. It was gratifying to see their excitement when they heard the band play the Overture for the first time... It brought back memories of my first sitzprobe. Later, I got to see some of the musical numbers. Seeing the intensity on the faces and movements of these newbies made me feel proud to be a product of blueREP; I can see that this will be yet another production that proves blueREP is excellent training for young theater upstarts. The costumes (by Mahar) are lovely, and the choreography (by Pom, another Birdie baby) is AMAZING. I got chills watching some numbers, and even started to get teary-eyed during one particularly emotional song/scene. I'm excited to catch the whole show in its entirety, with all the costumes, set, lights, and of course, the live band.

(Now would be a good time to segue into this: Watch blueREP's HOPE FOR THE FLOWERS! September 29 and 30 at 7pm, and September 30 and October 1 at 3pm. RMT. Tickets are 150 pesos each.)

After rehearsals, the blueREP army marched onwards to the Henry Lee Irwin Theater to support the rest of our troops. For a third year, blueREP joined the CADS inter-organization dance competition. It had been a particular frustration for the org, not having placed despite working hard and making an impression on the audience. I was there (in the audience) during the first year blueREP joined, and it really displayed the wealth of blueREP's talent pool.

This year's group of dancers was a healthy mix of newbie and old members. Some were Birdie babies (like Kakki and Sweet), while others were my wards during Blue Revue (such as Gary, Papu, Jett, and Annabelle). I was excited and nervous for the team; I'd seen one rehearsal, and while it was a great and dynamic dance, it was also tricky.

I was definitely not disappointed. I was blown away by the group's energy as they entered the stage. You can definitely feel the electricity in the air as the opening bars of Pump It played. You just knew that this was going to be something different. From start to finish, the group kept up their energy, even as the songs and tempos changed. Their stunts were amazing, and everyone's movements were sharp and synchronized. (It's a you-had-to-be-there moment. The performance is on video, so it should find its way to YouTube soon.) It was such an excellent performance that even non-blueREPpers (who were presumably cheering on their own respective orgs) took notice and cheered.

I was already proud of the dancers after the performance, but of course there was still that pesky little matter of the announcement of the winners. The scores and placings of the top three teams were going to be announced. In third, with 84%, was AMA. In second, with 87%, were the defending champions CERSA. At this point, all blueREPpers in the audience leaned forward in anticipation. After all, CERSA had always been dominant, and everyone felt that blueREP did extremely well this year. Finally, the winners were announced.

This year's new champions of the CADS inter-org dance competition, with a score of 91%... blueREP!!!

It was definitely an emotional moment for all. The group - the now-appropriately named The Bestest Dancers in the World (and yes, that's the dance group's name) - hugged each other and screamed for joy (mixed with pain; Gary and Papu in particular were injured after the dance). The blueREP army rushed onstage to congratulate the victors. Kakki was tearfully calling members who were not present to share the good news. Jill, our company manager, was also in tears. It was such an emotional (and, in Enzo Virata's words, historical) moment for all. Afterwards, we celebrated our victory at Shakey's.

Congratulations to The Bestest Dancers in the World, and especially to Shark, the brilliant choreographer who led their team to victory!

I am definitely proud to be a product of blueREP, and I can't wait to see what else the org has in store for its 15th year.

24

2006-09-06T20:43:00.000+08:00
Happy birthday to me. =)

(Yesterday.)

Can't believe another year has passed. Can't believe it's actually September. Soon it'll be December, then Christmas, then suddenly it'll be 2007, and before I know it, it's September 5 again. How time flies.

It sucks how the week prior to my birthday, I was sick and unable to do shows. Ugh. It didn't feel good to be stuck at home with hardly anything to do. Thank goodness I'm better now (still coughing though)... and I actually did a show today! =)

Anyhoo, thanks to all the people who greeted me yesterday (and today)! And special thanks to Harold and Joy... dinner was awesome.

Til next year!

A Moment Like This

2006-08-11T17:12:00.000+08:00
As of today, I am now officially a Rep actor.

Well, more or less, anyway. I've finally appeared onstage at Onstage for a Repertory Philippines show.

It wasn't a splashy opening with a red carpet or VIPs in the audience (aside from Micah, who was in Close Up to Fame and was pretty much mobbed by the audience, hahaha), but when you're doing children's theater, each kid is a VIP. After all, they'll be very vocal about whether or not they like your show.

So yes. August 11, 2006. 10:30am. My first ever Repertory Philippines show, Aladdin Jr..

I've already done two shows, with two more tomorrow, and one more on Sunday. Let's hope it's a start for what I hope to be a long career on the stage, performing my heart out for audiences every day/afternoon/night.

Life is Swinging!

2006-08-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

Asian Theatre Circuit.
Check it out!

=====

It's now the homestretch for Aladdin. We're opening this week, which means we really need to up the ante. Health is a priority more than anything else, though, because just one sick cast member throws off the entire production. (Get well soon, Jejie.) It's definitely stressful, so I'm sure that doesn't help matters, but hey, as long as we're doing what we enjoy, it ultimately doesn't matter.

=====

I just finished my run of Old Apologies! Many thanks to all the people who watched, as well as those who wanted to watch but couldn't for various reasons (particularly the Aladdin cast... was supposed to invite you all to the August 5 show, but rehearsals were scheduled for that night... too bad). It's always a thrill to be performing, and an even greater thrill (and honor) to be performing for friends. Thanks for your support!

Exhaustion

2006-07-23T01:41:00.000+08:00
My rehearsal schedule with Rep actually lightened up this week, doing two runs at the most (as opposed to three), and I actually got a day off from Rep rehearsals. Strangely enough, though, rehearsals are more exhausting now. Perhaps it's because now that (for the most part) I'm more familiar with blocking and choreography, I'm more able to do the runs with more energy.

What's more exhausting, strangely enough, is the 20 minutes I spend on my Koine show, Old Apologies. I'd never done a run prior to opening night, so I had no idea how short the show was, and how tiring it actually was, until we finally opened. It really threw me off after the first show; I didn't expect to be completely spent.

(I guess now's the best time to do this: I have at least three more shows of OLD APOLOGIES coming up! July 28, July 29, and August 5. Txt or email me for details.)

I'm exhausted, but I'm not complaining. At least I'm tired because I'm doing something I enjoy. And I can't really complain, since I know others have other more stressful things that are sapping energy from them.

So now I go to sleep. Zzzzz.....

As We Stumble Along

2006-07-13T09:36:00.000+08:00
It has been a crazy last month and a half, with so much happening, both professionally and personally. I've gone through so much, and yet I know that at the same time, it's not a lot at all. Things are more or less back to some semblance of "normal," but of course they aren't complete like they used to be.

Vague enough for you? Hahahaha.

Professionally, I've been working on two productions. I'm doing Old Apologies for Koine and Aladdin Jr. for Repertory Philippines. It's not so hard to be juggling both productions, but they're both (surprisingly) physically demanding. For Old Apologies, I get chased around and beat up a lot. For Aladdin Jr., there's the wonderful choreography by Douglas Nierras. Not to mention, of course, the commute I have to do while rushing from Koine to Rep. It's exhausting (especially when one has to do three runs of Aladdin Jr. in relatively quick succession), but it's a kind of exhaustion that I like. As Joel (one of the Aladdins) said, I'd rather be exhausted than idle, especially if this is what I'm doing.

Aladdin Jr. has been quite the introduction to professional musical theater. It's really different from the camaraderie and bonding in college theater (or even summer workshops), or the intimacy and togetherness of Koine. It can be quite daunting, actually. But I'm learning to roll along (merrily, of course) and keep at it. I'm just concentrating on having fun, something I picked up while doing Sweet Charity and reiterated during Merrily We Roll Along. It's honestly a pleasure to be working with these people. Plus, how many people can say they've been scolded by Douglas Nierras, or called out by Joy Virata? I'll even treasure the day everyone on the creative team plus nearly half the cast kept telling me to calm down and stop panicking, hehehe. And with only a month to go until the show opens (!!!!!), things are bound to get crazier and more hectic. I can't wait.

As for my personal life... hahahaha. Things have more or less died down and are back to "normal" after whatever hoopla I've gone through (or, more specifically, done). I've emerged from it just fine, so it's all good. It's definitely a learning experience for me, though. And, well, whatever friendships I forged immediately before this period are now stronger after all that, so it couldn't have been all that bad.

Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. Yup, that mantra still works.

The title of this entry is a song from the Broadway musical The Drowsy Chaperone. It sounds like a fun little musical. Anyhoo, the lyrics are interesting (if a little silly towards the end, but then again, I think the character gets progressively more and more drunk as the song goes on, so...).

As we stumble along
on life's funny journey.
As we stumble along
into the blue.
We look here and we look there.
Seeking answers anywhere.
Never sure of where to turn or what to do.

Still we bumble our way
through life's crazy labrynth.
Barely knowing left from right
nor right from wrong.
And the best that we can do
is hope a blue bird,
will sing his song
as we stumble along.

It's a dismal little world in which we live.
It can bore you till you've nothing left to give.
Seven overrated wonders, sever underwhelming seas.
Six excrusciating continants.
Antarctica. Oh please!
But you mustn't let it lick you
this planet oh so bland.
Keep your eyeball on the highball
in your hand.

As we stumble along
'cross life's crowded dance floors.
As we push and we shove
we live and we learn.
And when we finally leave the bar,
And we see that morning star,
we pull our boot straps up
and homeward turn.

Then we stumble away
through dawns blinding sunbeams.
Barely knowing right from right
nor left from wrong.
But as long as we can hear that little blue bird
There'll be a song
as we stumble along.
As we stumble,
bumble,
fumble,
...plumble,

As we stumble along.

"Give It Time"

2006-06-18T19:20:00.000+08:00
Possibly some of the most painful words anyone can hear, particularly in this very instantt-gratification-oriented world. But it's something we do hear often, and something we probably need to hear more often. After all, not everything can come instantly. There are times and situations when we do have to wait. And the payoff is generally better.

Still, you can't help but be frustrated when you're told to wait and "give it time," especially if it's for something you really want.

As for me? I'm used to "giving it time" except in one situation: Conflict resolution. I never want things to grow while nothing is being done about it, and the sooner a conflict is nipped in the bud, well, I think that's better. But I guess sometimes situations arise when you can't resolve an issue instantly; one or both parties need the time to resovle their own personal issues before fixing the conflict.

I'd like to think I'm ready to resolve this. What I'm not prepared for is the outcome.

=====

Change topic! Was tagged by Pearl:

WHAT BE THE STORY...

Of your name?
I was named after (the late) Prince Rainier of Monaco.

Of your parents?
They're both CPAs. Go figure.

Of your last bday?
The blueREP newbies definitely made it memorable. They edited the opening song from Rent and turned it to Ren, and they performed it during one rehearsal for their musical revue. It's one of the most touching gestures ever done for me.

Of your first love?
Have I ever been in love in the first place? I don't know.

Of your room?
My pad is wonderful. I enjoy living by myself in Makati.

Of last Christmas?
Forgettable. It played out like any ordinary day.

Of last Valentines day?
I don't believe in Valentine's Day. ;)

Of your current clothes?
Um... a shirt and jeans... um...

Of the 1st time u saw your crush?
...no comment.

Of you and your best friend/s?
...no comment, either.

Of the last place you went to?
Fuzion in Greenbelt 3. Had this mango/strawberry smoothie while trying to memorize my lines.

Of the last time you cried?
...no comment. Too recent for me to write about, and besides, it's stupid. (Erm, refer to the current entry above.)

Of your greatest achievement so far?
Playing Charley Kringas in the Rep workshop production of Merrily We Roll Along. Not only did I meet a fantastic (and awesomely talented) group of people, but it's probably the work I'm proudest of. I can actually watch it and not cringe whenever I see myself! It's a huge ego boost, too.

The last movie you watched?
The Inside Man with some of the Rep workshoppers. A very engaging and intelligent thriller.

Tag.
Ah... feel free, whoever. Too lazy to tag specific people. =P

A New World

2006-06-07T13:47:00.000+08:00
I'm dropping the "Whole" because, well, it's not that new. Just different, maybe.

Rehearsals for Rep's Aladdin Jr. have started. As of yesterday, we finished learning all the songs. Now it's just a matter of cleaning the songs and putting character into it. Not to mention memorizing them. Thank goodness they're rather easy (or at the very least familiar) songs. And, hey, hot on the heels of a Sondheim, this ought to be a piece of cake.

The first day didn't go as smoothly for me, personally. Even with so many people I knew there, I still hadn't completely adjusted to rehearsals. It didn't help that I sat so far away from the people I knew. I was just overwhelmed by the whole thing. The talent in the room was just too much. So, I was quite terrified of the whole thing. I was worried I'd screw up badly, and that the people there would hear me and realize that hiring me was a mistake, or something. Yes, first day jitters.

Thankfully, the next day, I went in early and managed to plant my feet on the ground. I'd like to think I've adjusted to the situation at hand, now that I know what to expect (more or less). Now I can have some fun.

It's my first professional major musical, and I want it to be memorable for all the right reasons. I'm taking this seriously, but not too seriously that it stresses me out. I'll remember what I've learned and applied in my last two productions: Have fun! It makes all the difference in the world.

Living the Dream

2006-05-30T16:17:00.000+08:00
I'm still on a Merrily high. True, I'm still experiencing a bit of post-production depression. I hear a few strains of Daniel Powter's Bad Day and I get all bleary-eyed (DAMN YOU, ROBBIE!!! Ahahahaha!). I see pictures from rehearsals and I get sentimental.

But I also know that all of this is just the beginning. The show may have closed, yes, but life has just begun.

For one, the friendships I have forged are strengthening. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," as the saying goes, and that rings true for me. Seeing and bumping into people again brings a certain elation to my heart. I truly miss the people I worked with.

I also know that for a lot of people - particularly for the leads, I guess - Merrily marks an important time in our lives. For me, my mom now truly believes me when I say that this is the life for me. She's actually glad she got me the Makati pad I had now, and says that yes, it's worth the rent. She even brought my former boss at Toyota, and even she says she's glad I quit my job.

Joy, who played Mary, is also thrilled because her family (particularly her dad) now finally understands her love for theater, and that this is what she wants to do (and should be doing). He's now being very supportive, and even wants to produce a show for her.

I am also so thrilled for everyone who discovered theater for the first time and have fallen in love with it. I still remember the rush of doing my first production, and the feeling inside me that knew that I have found my purpose. To see that in the eyes and hearts of others is so wonderful.

So now I'm still rolling along, merrily. I'm doing the Charley thing by pushing on with my dreams, even if it isn't exactly the most "practical" thing in the world. I'm happy, and fulfilled, and there's a light in my eyes and a fire in my heart which I do not want to extinguish.

So here's to theater, and my career in it!

It's the theater and we're really in it, not just on the edge!

It's a HIT!

2006-05-29T11:28:00.000+08:00
Yesterday is done, and boy, did we see the pretty countryside.

After one month of activities honing various aspects of performance, and another month of intense rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals... the Repertory Philippines Summer Theater Workshop (Adults Class) opened and closes Merrily We Roll Along last Saturday. The experience was exhilarating. There's always a rush when you go onstage to perform; you feed off the energy of the audience, and when you have a packed theater, the energy is just off the charts. I was greatly encouraged by the reactions I was getting in my first scene, not to mention to loud applause I received after "Franklin Shepard, Inc." Things actually went smoothly, even if we all had our little mistakes. The ensemble did their part, and the leads really commanded the stage. The audience was left in quiet contemplation and awe during "Our Time." At curtain call, everyone got the appluase and ovations they deserved. (I'd never gotten such applause in my short career onstage; what a thrill!) Robbie and Nic then gave us our certificates, and later made us cry with an American Idol-style "Bad Day" montage of pictures and memories from the two months we spent with each other. It was a triumph for all, in more ways than one.

How did we get to be here?

The afternoon just before the show, we had a technical run. It was a disaster. The energy was at an all-time low, and the leads were showing signs of wear and tear. It was not a good run. I guess it was the wake-up call we needed to put on a great show.

The morning of the show was just as bad. Instead of spending two hours adjusting to the set, we ended up spending four hours. It's amazing how such a crappy morning and afternoon led to such an amazing show.

The week of the show was intense as well. It was the week when we were finally putting things together, with props, costumes, choreography, blocking, songs, lines finally coming together for full runs. It was a mixed bag of runs; Act One always come out more polished, for one. Transitions were going badly. The leads were struggling with lines (and "Opening Doors"). I nearly crushed Harold (and Toff and Nica) in one scene. We even got quite a scare when Harold showed up at the start of the week without a voice; thank goodness our musical director's a doctor.

And all this came after weeks and weeks of coming together as a cast. Bonding sessions over post-rehearsal dinners. Parties at Toff's condo, getting drunk and doing stupid things. Classmates dropping out for various reasons. Teeny tiny issues blowing up out of proportion, then resolving itself anyway. The mad search for costumes and props.

That's how we got to be here.

After the show, naturally, we had our cast party. It was fun... but the less I said about it here, the better. It's one of those you-had-to-be-there thing.

I am definitely going to miss the cast and teachers. I still can't believe it's over. This is going to be something I will keep in my heart forever. The friendships I have forged here will last a lifetime. I am so happy to now be a part of Rep; Aladdin Jr. should be an interesting experience!

To the cast, crew, and of course, my teachers, Robbie and Nic: Thank you for such a memorable summer. Thank you for continuing to inspire me to pursue my dreams. I have been greatly encouraged by this experience.

To everyone who watched the show: Thanks so much for being there at such an important point in my life. Thank you for sharing this high point in my life with me.

To those who didn't catch it, but really wanted to be there: Thanks for the support! I know you were all there for me, even if you were physically absent. I still managed to feed off your energy anyway.

Yesterday is done.

Watch ME! I'm a LEAD!!! I have SOLOS!!!! And I DANCE!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-25T11:33:00.000+08:00
The Repertory Philippines Summer Workshops Adults Class of 2006 is staging MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG!

Watch! Watch! Watch!

It's on Saturday, May 27, 7pm at Onstage Greenbelt. Tickets are 150 Pesos ONLY!

Do watch, please. It's a beautiful show with a beautiful message, and it's definitely something that speaks to anyone and everyone. It's about three devoted, inseperable friends, and how success can ruin such a beautiful friendship.

PLUS! I'm a LEAD!!!!! That means that I have solos!!!!! I play Charley Kringas, one of the three friends, and it's quite a fun role. So watch me, okay?

We worked really hard for this. We've slogged through bad rehearsals and sick cast members (thank heavens our MD [Musical Director] is also an MD [Medical Doctor]), and I'm sure the show's gonna be worth it.

So watch! Watch! Watch!

If you want to reserve tickets, txt me at 0917-5274050. I don't have internet access, so don't bother emailing or commenting. Just leave me your name and the number of tickets, and I'll leave the tickets with front-of-house/box office/ushers. Just say your name and that it's c/o Ren.

Aight? Aight!

Hope to see you on Saturday!

Moving Out

2006-05-22T00:48:00.000+08:00
Last week, I found and rented a place in Makati that's near Greenbelt (and ergo, near Onstage, not to mention closer to Rep's rehearsal venue). It's quite a thrill, really, living by myself, though I haven't quite gotten used to the place just yet.

Of course, I'll still be heading home to QC on the weekends (I'm updating from home). But it certainly makes things more convenient.

I'll update more as soon as I get enough rest.

My living room.

My kitchen and dining area.

My bedroom.

Something's Coming

2006-05-19T01:09:00.000+08:00
Things are a-changing. And they're for the better, I hope.

I've always believed in taking baby steps towards your dream. I've been training myself to pick myself up after every disappointment. It has been a long, hard road to get where I am now; there have been many roadblocks along the way. Now, though, I feel like I'm really getting somewhere. Things are definitely starting to look up.

It's amazing how one show, Merrily We Roll Along, can mark so many turning points in my life. I know I've said this over and over again, but this is the show that keeps me going as I follow my dreams. If the blueREP version showed me the path to my dreams, the Rep Workshop version is leading me to the road, if not the highway. (Bad analogy, I know, but it's 1 am.)

More things are coming. Today is a special day for me. =)

So is Saturday next week. And I hope you'll be there. WATCH MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG! I play Charley Kringas, one of the three leads! So watch! Watch! Watch! Tickets are only 150 Pesos each. The show is on Saturday, May 27, 7pm.

Art Isn't Easy

2006-05-10T10:15:00.000+08:00
It's amazing what eight hours of sleep can do to one's mood. I'm feeling much better compared to last night. Of course, it's not just sleep that helped my mood out. In the last few years, I've learned how to cope with stress and pressure and disappointment a lot better than I used to. I've learned (and I'm still perfecting) the art of dwelling on the problem just enough to realize it's a problem, but not too much that it destroys you.

In any case, last night was merely a bump in the road. Some roads and some are bumpy; last night, it was bumpy. Why make it tough by getting grumpy?

Our class is doing the gargantuan task of putting up a Sondheim production - an especially complex and complicated Sondheim production, for that matter - in the span of a month. As of today, we now only have two weeks and a half, and so far, all we've done if block Act One (and not even completely) and learn all the music. We've got a long way to go. We're hoping to finish blocking this week, then choreography next week, and on the week of the show, we run, run, run.

It's not easy. In the blueREP production of Merrily We Roll Along, we had the benefit of time, as well as whole day rehearsals (sem break and Saturdays). This time around, we don't have time, which means everyone - directors, artistic staff, production team, stage managers, leads, and the chorus - should be exerting extra effort to bring everything together. Which is why it's frustrating when you see people not doing the work. I get frustrated at myself when I don't give 100% at rehearsals, and perhaps it's not out of character for me to frustrated when I see others not giving 100% as well.

It's the little details that tick me off sometimes. And while we've been told "don't sweat the small stuff," in theater, you need to clean up even the little things. Trust me, little mistakes are noticeable onstage. A person walking to his or her next position without purpose will stand out. A chorus member not singing during a chorus song will stand out. A lead who doesn't know his or her notes will stand out. A prop that is not in its proper place will stand out. Which is why it's really important for everyone to be on their toes with presence of mind, and to exert the necessary effort to make things work.

Art isn't easy. Musical theater isn't easy. Sondheim isn't easy. Merrily We Roll Along isn't easy. But that doesn't mean we should give up on it. It should be a challenge for all of us involved; the difficulty shouldn't defeat us. If everyone exerts effort both in and out of rehearsals - studying songs and notes at home, reading scripts, collecting props and costumes, singing at rehearsals, showing performance level at rehearsals - then things will roll along merrily, and we can all start to have fun.

Full steam ahead.

Bad Day

2006-05-09T23:49:00.000+08:00
Today has been a long, bad day. I'm really glad it's over.

Commuting, as always, was a hassle. Somehow, today, it was an even bigger hassle; waiting for the LRT was even longer than usual. It flashed the "Next train to Recto in 30 seconds" sign for the longest time. The MRT, as always, was super crowded, so by the time I got to Shang for voice lessons, I was exhausted and sweating like heck.

Voice lessons didn't go too well, either. For starters, Teacher Lionel was running late, but I didn't mind that so much since I was still catching my breath from commuting. At the actual lessons, I was struggling from the beginning to "find my center," and it was downhill from there. I'd shown some great improvement with "You're Still You" (though it's still by no means great), but today everything just felt off. I couldn't hit the notes right, and interpretation left a lot to be desired. Dejected, I went home for lunch.

I napped a little bit too long, so I was late to leave the house to pick up props at Galian. That wasn't much fun, either. Rummaging through prop boxes in a hot, hot room leads to a sweaty, sweaty boy. Not fun. Arrived very early for Rep workshops; Mia and Joy introduced me to the wonders of Mine Shine Milk Tea. It is lurve.

The rehearsals started.

The less said about that, the better. I'm trying not to dwell upon it, and just pick myself up then dust myself off and start all over again for tomorrow. But, well, I'm me, so I'll do a little more self-flagellation before I go to bed.

In any case, everyone seemed to be having a bad day. Harold, in particular, wasn't having the best of days even before workshops started. And poor Joy's recorder has died. When it rains, it pours.

Oh well. There went Tuesday, May 9, 2006.

Tomorrow is another day.

Full Circle

2006-05-07T23:39:00.000+08:00
I've frequently mentioned in this journal how doing the Rep workshop production of Merrily We Roll Along brings a lot of things in full circle. Merrily was the show that finally showed me just what it is exactly that I should be doing; it made me realize I really wanted to pursue theater as a career. Now, Merrily is (hopefully) the start of another level in my pursuit of a theater career; it's my first lead role in a major musical, and it'll be on Onstage Greenbelt! And not only that, I'll be following this up with Aladdin Jr. (also for Rep, and with quite a few folks from the workshops).

After going through a week's worth of music rehearsals, we're now doing the blocking, and there are a lot of little things that highlight how I've come full circle. Little coincidences, perhaps, but I've always been one to put importance in the little things.

One such tiny detail is the fact that, once again, I'll be setting up the bar for the first party scene. I played a bartender for "That Frank" in blueREP's Merrily, so one of my tasks was to set up the bar area. This time around, Toff (who will play one of the waiters in "Rich and Happy" before he appears as Joe) and I were assigned to set up the bar for "Rich and Happy." Again, it's a little tidbit that probably isn't that important or significant, but to me, it's another little detail that emphasizes just how far I've come. It was also interesting getting to play a waiter, even if it's just to stand in for Toff, while we were doing our blocking last Friday.

There are other details, such as the fact that both directors (Chari Arespacochaga and Robbie Guevara) are good friends and colleagues (they run the same events planning group). All these little things add up to a very interesting and hopeful picture for my future.

Opening doors, indeed.

Old Friends Boot Camp

2006-04-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

Here to us! Who's like us? Damn few!

What do you do if you're attempting to put up a Sondheim show in one month, and your leads are excited, jittery, and in much need of bonding for better onstage chemistry?

Welcome to Old Friends Boot Camp.

Harold and I headed to Joy's house at around 8:30am to work on various aspects of the show. The easiest was the whole let's-hang-out-and-bond aspect of it. After all, you can't go wrong with two theater geeks and a budding theater geek who's eager to learn. We talked about our various experiences (both onstage and off), watched some musical numbers from Kiss Me Kate, listened to Tick... Tick... Boom!, and resolved to freely share any and all cast recordings with each other.

We also went through some pieces to make sure we understand what the songs are trying to say. We studied the text of "Opening Doors," understanding the time line of the song as well as the tone of everything they're saying. We also went through "Bobby, Jackie, and Jack," and tried to identify and explain the many cultural references in the song. Harold and I now have a better appreciation for the song; I hope we convey that to the audience.

Then we rehearsed our three major numbers, "Old Friends," "It's a Hit!," and "Opening Doors." This being a Sondheim piece, most of our rehearsal was devoted to getting the timing right rather than getting the notes right. The cues are a bitch to get properly, but we made some pretty good progress today. (Now, if only Harold can get his notes and the tune right... Hehe! We tease him because we love him. And the show.)

All in all, it was a fun day. We actually made a lot of progress, and we're (more or less) ready for the full music run-through on Tuesday. Plus we got some awesome pictures. Always a plus.

I'm nervous and excited about this show. It has already been quite an experience, and we're not even blocking yet! Can't wait.

It started out like a song...

Funny how, after boot camp, Harold looks neither fed, nourished, nor sheltered.

Joy expresses displeasure at Harold's notes.

Ren physicalizes said displeasure.

Harold, Joy, and Ren.

Here's to Us!

2006-04-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

Something is stirring...

Today, we had music rehearsals for Merrily We Roll Along. The leads/soloists worked on our songs. It was fun (and a bit frustrating in parts, hehe) learning "Opening Doors," "It's a Hit!," and "Old Friends" (among others). Of course, the best part is still the bonding we did as a small group. It's wonderful to share the stage with theater geeks who'd jump at the chance to replicate the original Merrily poster pose, as seen above (thanks, Nic, for taking the picture).

It has been an amazing week for me. It started off with than one-man one-act monologue last Monday, then rushing to Rep to vote for Merrily as the workshop production. Tuesday was voice lessons, where I seemed to sound much better than I've ever been. I also bumped into a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while, and capped it off with a night out watching excerpts of I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change with Mia, Joy, and Jed. Wednesday was Merrily auditions, and Thursday was the start of music rehearsals. Friday, we had a surprise birthday celebration for Tita Baby Barredo; the few members of the class who were there did an impromptu rendition of "Happiness" (from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown). Saturday was more music rehearsals.

Joining the Rep summer workshop has certainly opened up more doors for me. I'm learning so much and getting so many opportunities. I'm still in awe that I'll be playing a lead role on the Onstage Greenbelt stage, and I'm happy (and excited) that I'll be doing it with two people who are just as passionate about theater and acting as I am.

To Joy, Harold, Toff, Nica, Prettie, Robbie, Nic, and the rest of the passionate theater people I've met in Rep, Koine, and blueREP... Here's to us! Who's like us? Damn few!

More pictures:

Harold, Joy, and me, with Toff in the background.

Me, Joy, Harold, and Toff's blue shirt sleeve, with our musical director Alex Drilon on the keyboard and Nica in the background.

Old friends: Joy Alano as Mary Flynn, Harold Cruz as Franklin Shepard, and Ren Robles as Charley Kringas.

Something is Stirring...

2006-04-26T23:55:00.000+08:00
We had our auditions for the Rep workshop's production of Merrily We Roll Along tonight. I was gunning for Charley, Frank, and Joe (in that order), but I didn't know that you had to sing for each role (well, except Joe). There is a lot of brilliant talent in our class; I wouldn't have wanted to be in charge of casting, because everyone had something to offer to the show.

Alright, I'll cut to the chase; I can't restrain myself any longer.

I GOT THE ROLE I WANTED!!!!! I'M PLAYING CHARLEY KRINGAS IN THE REP WORKSHOP SHOWCASE PRODUCTION OF MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still in shock. I've always wanted it, but I never thought I'd even come close to getting it, considering the level of talent this group has. Strange, they were even considering me for Frank (during the reading). But, wow, I am so happy that I'm playing Charley. I am so honored.

I am going to be performing on the Rep stage in a lead role! Whoa.

The other five major roles have been cast as well, to be played by some extremely talented people. Franklin Shepard will be played by Harold Cruz, an extremely talented singer/actor/performer. It's apt that one of my character's "old friends" will be played by one of my newest (and closest) friends in Rep. Mary Flynn will be played by Joy Alano, who was my castmate in the blueREP production of Merrily a year and a half ago. Beth Spencer will be played by Prettie Atienza, who has this amazing voice; when we were asked to sing a song last week, she sang "Think of Me" extremely well. Joe Josephson will be played by Toff de Venecia, who's also become one of my newest friends (bonus points for him since he wrote that wonderful article/review of Sweet Charity in the Philippine Star). Finally, Gussie Carnegie will be played by Nica Reynoso, who played Ursala in blueREP's production of Sweet Charity.

It's such an amazing cast to be with. This will be such an awesome and fun experience; I feel very honored to be able to tell this story once again and with such an amazing group of people. And I'm even more honored and humbled to be doing this as one of the leads. Whoa.

Y'all have to mark your calendars now: MAY 27. SATURDAY. 8PM. ONSTAGE GREENBELT.

Rolling Along... Again

2006-04-25T00:45:00.000+08:00
It's final.

The Repertory Philippines Summer Workshoppers (Adults) are doing Merrily We Rolling Along for the showcase production!

I'm excited. It's such beautiful material, and I'm very happy and honored and blessed to be performing it again. It's not often that one gets an opportunity to perform material they truly love more than once, so it's great that we're doing this. It has such a wonderful message, one that's definitely worth retelling, and to more people, too.

So mark your calendars: May 27, Saturday, 8pm (most likely), Onstage Greenbelt.

Our Time

2006-04-22T09:57:00.000+08:00
Our Musical Theater for Adults class in Repertory Philippines is currently in the process of picking what musical to do for our showcase. Last night, we debated over whether we should split the class in two and do two different shows, or to try and find one big show for all members to be in. The latter option won.

The next major decision was which show to do. Initially, Les Miserables was the option Robbie presented to us, then some of the workshoppers suggested doing Hairspray, now that we can pool our resources together. Naturally, this sparked another debate, and just like the previous vote, it seemed as if the class would be nearly evenly split again.

Then the idea of doing Merrily We Roll Along came up, and Robbie told us it was doable. Joy and I were excited at the prospect of doing it again, mainly due to the fact that the show is near and dear to our hearts for so many different reasons. As Robbie was explaining the story (while Joy and I were gushing about it), people were slowly becoming convinced that this could be the show we ought to do. (We won't know for sure until we vote again on Monday.)

If we do end up staging Merrily We Roll Along, then it'll feel like my theater life has come full circle, sort of. A little more than a year ago (late 2004), Merrily was the show that marked a change in my life's direction. Merrily was the moment where I realized that I should go after my dreams, no matter how tough (or unconventional) the road may be. Merrily made me realize that I love being in theater, and that done right, it can be a very powerful medium.

A lot has happened since then. I've auditioned for professional productions and didn't get in. I've done a corporate show through blueREP. I've become Head Stage Manager for the newbie prod. I've performed professionally at Koine. I got a named role in Sweet Charity. And now, I'm pushing myself as far as training is concerned, taking lessons in voice, dance, and musical theater/acting.

Doing Merrily at this stage in my life and with these people would mark another defining moment. This time, I'm with people who have taken the same journey as I have, who have made (and are making) decisions that I have made as well. These are people who share the same passion for theater as I do. Many of these people have realized, or are realizing, that this is the life we want for ourselves. And we are generally at that age where we can change the world... it truly is our time.

The show would mark how far I've come in pursuing my dream, that I've found other people doing the same, other people I can share the journey with, other people who understand the journey and the choices I'm making. Hopefully, it will also mark a start in performing more professional plays and musicals; after all, right after workshops, I'll be starting work on Rep's Aladdin Jr.

I really hope we end up doing this musical. I don't mind being in the ensemble again with just "1969" as my only solo; getting the opportunity to tell this story once again - this time with a new bunch of people - is what matters to me.

It's our time.

Listmania!

2006-04-18T19:57:00.000+08:00
Too lazy/tired/unfocused/busy (take your pick) to think of something original and profound and inspiring (or even just to give a rundown of the last few days), so here are a couple of lists.

Ten Things That Make Me Happy

Tagged by both Kyla and Pearl. =) Cross-posted to my LJ.

Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick ten people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

Singing aloud with a group, not caring if you hit the right notes or even get the lyrics right.
Discovering (or rediscovering) a new (or forgotten) musical.
Receiving an unexpected txt or email message from someone special.
Tiramisu! And cheesecake! (Or, well, dessert in general, but especially tiramisu and cheesecake.)
Watching a friend perform.
Hot chocolate/Milo, either in the morning or when it's cold.
My favorites winning at awards shows.
YouTube.
PostSecret.
Taking pictures, and looking back at old pictures.

I tag Kit, Kimmay, Raph, Papu, Joy, Kenneth, Mia, Jed, Laura, and Jepoy. =)

Ten So-Called "Dream" Roles

In no particular order. And I'm sure I'm leaving out a lot of other roles as well, so this list could easily change the next time I post it.

Tom Collins, "Rent." I think this role is within my range, both vocally and as an actor. Plus he gets to sing some of my favorite songs. And out of the four male leads in "Rent," he's the one I can probably portray best (followed by Mark, I suppose).

Jekyll/Hyde, "Jekyll and Hyde." I'm sure I'll be better than David Hasselhoff, hehehe! It's such a challenging role, and it demands a lot from whoever portrays it. And the music is wonderful.

Jamie, "The Last 5 Years." Wow, another challenging role in a challenging musical. Jason Robert Brown's music is quite difficult, and this is such a tough piece (emotionally, especially). I would love to have the opportunity to perform this someday.

Sweeney Todd, "Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street." Sondheim at his darkest! Sweeney Todd is such a deliciously dark and twisted character.

Baker, "Into the Woods." Speaking of Sondheim... I'd really love to do this show, and I think the Baker is one of the more interesting characters to play. (I wouldn't mind playing a prince as well, but first I'd have to look more princely. Hehe. Besides, I've agonized over "Agony" already, haha!)

Fabrizio Naccarelli, "The Light in the Piazza." Okay, so looks-wise, I'm probably out of the running. Realistically speaking, I'll only get this role after years of vocal training as well as some minor (major?) cosmetic surgery. But hey, this is a list of dream roles, right? So let me dream. It's such a wonderful musical.

Snoopy, "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown." Simply because Snoopy's fun. "Suppertime" is a cool song.

Fiyero, "Wicked." Yes, I'd like to be Norbert Leo Butz. That's not happening anytime soon, but what the hey.

"Songs for a New World." Er, whoever sings "She Cries" and "I'd Give It All For You," because those are nice songs.

Robert, "Company." One of my favorite Sondheim musicals, so I'd really love to do this.

In Theory, In Practice

2006-04-15T12:59:00.000+08:00
I'd been taking voice lessons under Teacher Lionel Guico, and in the two sessions we had, he stressed the importance of the voice of the mind. In brief (I'm heavily paraphrasing, and I'm sure I'm missing a lot of the nuances of the terms), it's a school of thought in vocal lessons that believes that producing music isn't a purely physiological process. You're not taught new techniques, and you don't physically manipulate anything to improve how you sings. It's all in the mind. It's about being aware of what you already have and know, such as normal breathing and how one speaks, and then utilizing all this to sing well.

It seems to work for me. Granted, at this point in time, I need to focus on so many things at once to make it work properly. I need to remember the proper "placement" of my voice/tones, I need to visualize the notes I need to hit, I need to breathe normally and not try too hard. It's a lot of things to do in just one moment, but when it all comes together, beautiful music is created. I never knew I could hit some of the higher notes or sound so... well, nice. In time, these processes will come naturally to me, and I can concentrate on the less technical aspects of singing, such as interpretation and emotion.

But all that thinking is useless unless you put it to the test. Lessons learned cannot remain in the theoretical level. It was interesting how accurately Teacher Lionel pegged my personality after just two sessions. I suppose one's personality shows in whatever output he/she comes up with. He asked me if I was a perfectionist, and if I was the type of person who didn't like to take risks. Yup, that's me. Apparently, that side of me was reflected in my singing. He noted that I was hesitant to try the high notes, that the harder the song seemed to get, the more tentative I was. He then told me not to be afraid of making mistakes; after all, we won't learn unless we make mistakes. Whatever theories we had formed cannot be shaped or perfected because we won't see any flaws in them, because we're not making any mistakes.

The lessons I learned in those two sessions of my voice lessons can be applied in a lot of areas. And this isn't exactly the first time I'd learned them. In the one session I had with Rony (more than a year ago), he told me not to be afraid to belt out the notes, because I could hit them anyway. I guess that's one of the problems I still need to get over. I'm not yet so confident to do certain things. It's one thing to know how to do something (that's always the first step), but it's another to actually do it.

In performing - singing, dancing, acting (and in musical theater, doing all three) - it's not enough to just know what to do, you have to go out and do it. One starts by knowing the material to be performed; study the notes, learn the steps, memorize the lines. Then comes rehearsals; you get to try out new things and learn what works and what doesn't. Once you've found something that works, when showtime comes, just do it. And it can't be half-baked either. If you're worried that you'll look/sound stupid, chances are, you will, because you can't commit 100% to your performance. And every performance will give you new insights into what works and what doesn't; sometimes, something that worked in rehearsals won't work during the show, and sometimes you'll realize that something you took for granted at rehearsals actually gets a reaction during the show. And so the learning process continues even during the actual run of the show.

Life works much in the same way. You take whatever knowledge you have, process it, and then apply it. Things shouldn't remain in the theoretical level or else you won't learn anything new from it. It may be scary, but you just have to do it. If something goes wrong, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again, with the new knowledge you just gained.

Like Old Friends

2006-04-08T01:01:00.000+08:00
What's great about theater (and theater people) is that most people in it seem to be the nicest, most open, and most welcoming people... in my experience, at least. For someone who has been shy and introverted most of his life, it's quite a change to be more vocal and more openly friendly to people I've met for the first time. It helps a lot that everyone else seems to be quite the happy bunch.

The Musical Theater for Adults Workshops at Repertory Philippines started last Monday, and after just one work week (5 days), it feels like I've been with these people forever... and I mean that in the best way possible. Everyone has been very open and trusting and friendly, and it's great that we can all hang out and chat and relate with each other in such a casual way. None of the awkwardness that usually comes with meeting new people.

We've done so many activites together, from simple getting-to-know-you exercises, to trust exercises, to that darned log roll, to tests of concentration and memory. We're quite comfortable with each other now (in so many ways), and it's a little hard to believe that it has only been five days. (The trust exercises were on Day Three, and we were already quite trusting of each other by then.) Even Robbie commented that we're progressing quite quickly.

This is going to be a really fun summer. If this one week is any indication, I'll have so many fond memories of the summer of 2006. Things can only get better from here.

Folks, mark your calendars: May 27 is our workshop showcase. It's a Saturday. I don't know what time the show will be just yet, but mark your calendars already, and keep that date free. It'll be an AWESOME show.

Summertime... And The Living Is Easy

2006-04-04T00:08:00.000+08:00
Summer officially started for me last week, and a lot of great things have happened since. I started on a lot of new things, and I just know that this will be an incredible summer. And after tonight (well, it was last night, technically), I know the rest of the year will be awesome as well.

Last Tuesday was the start of my jazz dance classes for beginners at Steps. Our teacher, Liesl Laforteza, seems really nice and isn't overbearing. It makes for a light atmosphere for the class, which is great because one of the primary reasons I joined the class is so I could gain even just a bit of confidence doing dance. It's going well so far, and somehow, Pom is in the class, so it's nice to have a familiar face in class. (I'll also be bumping into Red coz his class is right after mine.)

Tuesday night was blueREP's official Year-End Party, at Pineds' abandoned house in Greenhills. It was a blast, even if the party seemed to peak early. blueREP parties are always a lot of fun. I even got an Amazing Alumni Award, which is awesome. It's funny how a schoolyear which started off with me thinking about slowly cutting back on blueREP time ended up with me closer than ever to that org. It's awesome.

From Wednesday until Friday, I was hanging out with my high school friends who I hadn't seen in a while. It's always great to reconnect with old friends, and summer (for now) seems to be the only common free time we all have. Friday ended with a LAN party at my friend's house, where we hooked up four computers and played two multiplayer games of Battle for Middle-Earth. (I've since installed the game into my PC. I'm hooked.)

Last Sunday, I watched Rent with my mom in Glorietta. It was nice to finally see the film on the big screen with surround sound, where I could appreciate hearing all the individual voices singing. The musical is still such an emotional experience, although since it was the second time I saw it, I was able to be a little more critical about the film version. It doesn't matter though; the material is still so powerful.

Finally, Monday night was the start of musical theater workshops at Repertory Philippines. I only know one other person there, Joy Alano from Merrily, but I've already met the teacher before: Robbie Guevara and Nic Manahan! It's a fun and awesome class. We had a lot of getting-to-know-you activities, and I hope I remember everyone's names. Hahaha! I can tell that this group of people will be a lot of fun to bond and work with. I can't wait!

(In other news, since we were at the Rep offices, I naturally bumped into Ayam, who pretty much confirmed that I'm in Aladdin. Yay! I now have something to keep me busy - something that's theater and something that pays - for the latter half of this year. Wahoo!)

Tomorrow (or, well, later today), I start my voice lessons at Trumpets Musicademy with Lionel Guico. I... should probably go to sleep now, haha. Also, my dance lessons continue, and the musical theater workshoppers are going to watch Robbie and Nic at Greenbelt.

Summer's gonna be great!

Up Next

2006-03-28T00:16:00.000+08:00
In twelve hours, I'll be commuting to Pasong Tamo Ext. for my first jazz dance lesson at Steps.

In twenty-four hours, I'll either be too drunk/buzzed at blueREP's Year-End Party to go home, or I'll be on my way home after the party.

In thirty-six hours, I'll be with my high school friends, probably off to watch Rent on the big screen.

On Monday next week, I'll be headed to my first workshop session with Rep.

A week from today, I'll be headed to my first voice lesson with Teacher Lionel at Trumpets Musicademy.

Summer is good.

Season's End

2006-03-23T12:22:00.000+08:00
Tonight, a bunch of blueREPpers are heading to Macky's condo to celebrate the end of a schoolyear (even if not everyone's done yet). It's a little bit strange to still be celebrating the end of a schoolyear two years after completing college, but considering my schedule still seems to revolve around the academic calendar, I suppose it's appropriate.

This past year has been amazing. The previous year was full of self-realizations and little lessons about myself and the career path I want to take. This year was about taking those lessons and pushing them even further. I've gone through so much in this last year that I'm looking forward to how I'll take everything I've learned into the next year.

I feel very blessed that I've met a lot of new people this year, as well as getting to know some old acquaintances much better. I'm glad I met and bonded with this year's batch of blueREP newbies thanks to Blue Revue. I'm happy that I was introduced to Koine and Niel de Mesa, and I'm just as happy to have met and worked with the scholars and actors at Koine. And it was a blast reconnecting and forging stronger bonds with the old members on Sweet Charity, as well as getting to know first-time blueREPpers on the show. I value the importance of learning from the people you're with, and I've had many valuable lessons I'm taking away from these encounters.

I've had a taste of what it's like to be a professional theater actor. I've experienced how difficult it is to be juggling two or more productions, particularly by different theater companies in different places. The commute is tough enough, but trying to manage your time, energy, and focus is quite a challenge. I had a few moments of insanity, sure, but all in all I think I handled it well. I also experienced the ups and downs of having a long run. Never before has "keeping it fresh" been such an important thing. This was the first time I've had to do a show for more than two weekends (SAWI ran for two months), and it was during this experience that I saw what happens when actors get complacent, and how exhilarating it is to be trying something new onstage.

Working with different directors made me learn a number of different things about performing. Some of these I've already encountered, some are new to me, but all seemed to have gained a renewed potency in the last year. Live in the moment. Everything is happening for the first time. Keep it fresh. Practice makes permanent. Listen to your scene partner. Don't overthink. Don't dwell on your mistakes. Commit. Be precise yet spontaneous. Warm up. Energy! Don't break character. Don't break the fourth wall unless directed. Trust the material. Trust your scene partner. Trust the tech, no matter what. Trust the audience. Trust yourself. Don't play for laughs. Don't pander to the audience. Don't try too hard. Have fun. Have fun. HAVE FUN!!!

It has been an amazing year. Now summer's approaching, and with it comes new possibilities and opportunities. I've signed up for a lot of lessons and workshops. I'm taking voice lessons at Trumpets Musicademy, jazz dance for beginners at Steps Dance Studio, and musical theater for adults workshops at Repertory Philippines. I have yet to hear from Rep about Aladdin, but whether I get in or not, it was still a good learning experience. I probably have a couple of other auditions I should be looking forward to. I've been reading a Broadway actor's blog (link c/o Chari), and it's inspiring me to really keep at it.

Last year was brilliant. This year will be even better. And so will the next one. And the next one. And the one after that, and the one after that, and...

Snippets

2006-03-21T00:18:00.000+08:00
Thanks to everyone who posted their support in the previous entry. Just to clarify (in case y'all haven't read the comments): I didn't really intend it to seem so negative. In fact, I welcomed the whole experience, both the positives and the negatives of it. It's certainly something I'll learn from, and it only pushes me to strive to be better at what I do. I still have so much to learn and experience before I can truly feel accomplished as an actor (and, well, as a person, hehe), and I know I still have a lot of room for improvement.

=====

In line with that, I'll be taking some workshops this summer. I know dancing is my Waterloo, and I was always terrified of choreo during Sweet Charity. Hopefully, taking the beginners' jazz dance class will help alleviate some of that, um, trauma.

Plus I'll be taking summer workshops at Rep. I know I'll meet new people and learn a lot from that experience, so I'm quite excited about that. It's gonna be quite the productive summer.

=====

Sat in and joined at the Subtext cast's reading at Koine today. I'm really happy the blueREPpers are enjoying themselves there. I read for Subtext 1 and while I'd love to have the opportunity to actually do it, I don't know if the schedule will allow me to. If ever, there's always still Subtext 3.

Laura, Kakki, Pao, Sweet, Ozy, and Karl: I'm so happy and proud of you guys! Can't wait to see your versions of Subtext. You'll be great.

=====

I hate being paranoid. But sometimes, people are paranoid because there's a good reason to be. Whatever, hehehe! (Cryptic, I know. I barely know what I'm so paranoid about... hehe.)

A Whole New World

2006-03-18T15:16:00.000+08:00
I just got home from Aladdin auditions at the Rep office.

It's scary. Granted, I was more nervous about getting to the venue itself (I've never been there), but thanks to Jim's directions, I somehow found it.

Within a few minutes of sitting down and filling up a form, we were called to audition. I sang Arabian Nights, and it's the first time I've ever heard the Minus One, so I was rather disoriented by it. Joy Virata and Liesl Batucan were the panelists.

After everyone (Kyla, Nica, Kitin, Red, Kakki, GeeGee, Doble, Mahar) was done with the song, we were asked to read a few pages of the opening of the show. I read for Sultan then Jafar. (It's also the first time I read the script. It's really short, they really cut down the movie... but the basic plot remains the same.)

After the reading, four more blueREPpers (Papu, Joy, Joms, Annabelle) arrived and sang their songs.

After that, Joy Virata had to leave, but before that, she sat us down and explained a few things. One, we were all good, but not everyone was going to be asked to stay for the dance part (handled by Ayam). Two, she told us how much we could get per show. Three, it's an advantage if you're a big strong male who can dance and lift, because you could be the carpet. She then read the names of those who were staying for the dance; I was part of that list, but I wasn't off the hook just yet. Joy Virata told me to study the song better next time I audition because I was off-key.

Let me repeat that in boldface.

Joy Virata called me out for being off-key at the auditions!

Then came the dance. Naturally, I screwed that part up.

So, that was auditions. I'm not expecting anything... After all, I screwed up the song and I screwed up the dance. All I've got, apparently, is that I can probably carry the flying carpet.

Oh well. Here's to more auditions!

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

2006-03-15T10:17:00.000+08:00
I've always believed that there is balance in this universe. For every happy moment, there will be a sad one; for every up, there will be a down. And for years, I'd taken the pessimistic look at this. I'm cautious every time something good happens to me because I'm anticipating the crash that happens after.

One thing I'm learning to do now is to take the more optimistic side. "Always look on the bright side of life." Instead of anticipating something bad after something good, I'll look for something good after something bad.

Sweet Charity ending was a sad thing. I miss the show and the people terribly. But at least now that it's done, more opportunities can open for me. I now have the time and the energy to do pretty much whatever I want. Doing the show itself gave me the confidence to continue going for the theater career path. I even lost quite a lot of weight while doing the production! And while I'm sad I won't be seeing the cast and crew regularly anymore, at least now there's an opportunity to strengthen those bonds outside the production. I'm sure I'll be bumping into and working with them again soon, so it's all good.

My beloved iPod Mini was stolen yesterday. As always, it was in one of the compartments of my backpack as I was heading back home from the gym. Yesterday, though, at the pedestrian overpass just outside Robinson's Metro East, someone must have opened said compartment and grabbed my iPod. By the time I realized it, it was much too late. It's sad, of course; the iPod is one of the first major purchases I made with my own money, and I have so many memories with it (Blue Revue, Sweet Charity auditions, etc.). But at least it was just snatched from me, instead of forcibly (and violently) taken from me. And I'm glad that, of all the things stolen from me, it wasn't my cellular phone, my wallet, or my camera - three things I cherish more than my iPod (not that I don't cherish my iPod). And hey, at least now I can lust after the new Video iPods or an iPod Nano without feeling guilty, haha.

The video shoot for Ang Mabuting Pangungumpisal ran long last night. I was expecting/hoping it wouldn't take such a long time, so I can get some rest at home and watch my shows. (Yeah, priorities.) Still, last night was a fun experience. I got to spend more time with the cast and crew, and between Farrah's stories and Kenneth's jokes, I can't say I wasn't entertained. I'm looking forward to seeing the film in full. (You can check out pics from last night at my Multiply.)

I'm hoping I continue taking this healthier, more optimistic outlook throughout more of my experiences. It certainly makes accepting the negative much easier.

Breaking Out

2006-03-14T01:03:00.000+08:00
First things first: New layout! Not quite as exciting or eye-catching as the previous layout, but it reflects two things. More on that in the succeeding paragraphs. I have a thing for simple layouts, including graphics, so I guess aesthetically, it isn't much. But what the heck, right?

The layout - primarily the main graphic, as well as the fonts and all the little headings to the right - was inspired by my latest favorite TV show, Prison Break. It airs every Tuesday night at 10pm on Crime/Suspense. It's a really good show, and it's rather Lost-esque in its storytelling style. Check it out, you might like it.

The weekend was good. Great, actually. We had the cast party at Pearl's resort last Saturday was loads of fun. It's a pity that not everyone could go, but we had fun nonetheless. Lots of stories that I can't really share in public, hehe. The good news is that it's probably the first party in a really long time that I didn't get down or depressed for whatever reason. (Okay, that's not entirely true; for a couple of minutes, right before I decided to go to sleep, there was a brief moment of madness, but that's it.) All in all, I had a lot of fun at the party.

Then on Sunday, I got to watch Repertory Philippines' I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change. Maybe I'll come up with a more coherent review soon. In any case, thanks to Nica, I was able to head backstage and meet and greet Robbie Guevara, Niccolo Manahan, and Cathy Azanza - three out of the four cast members of the show. The whole experience somehow made me even more intent on pursuing theater as a career. (You can check out the two pictures I took backstage on my Multiply.)

I'm doing well so far. I'd like to think I've finally closed the book on Sweet Charity. That doesn't mean I'm forgetting it, of course. I'll always look back fondly on the memories from that experience. And more importantly, I'll tend to and cherish all the relationships I have with the people involved in the production. But I'm no longer dwelling on the fact that it's done. I'm looking forward to the future, and hopefully I'll be able to break out and accomplish more, onstage and off. Wish me luck.

The Friday Five - 10 March 2006

2006-03-10T00:54:00.000+08:00
From The Friday Five.

1) 10 years ago what did you think you would be doing now?
As I was getting ready to enter high school, this point in my life was just a blur. I guess back then, I still had ambitions of being a doctor, so I guess 10 years ago, I thought I'd be working hard in med school.

2) Where do you think you will be in 5 years from now?
I'd definitely still be doing the theater thing. Hopefully, I'll be on a major production... That'd be cool.

3) Do you live life one day at a time or look to the future?
I live life one day at a time with a look to the future, hehe. I have a general idea of what I'd like my life to be, and I live each day of my life with that... goal (I guess) in mind. All with the full awareness that life throws curveballs everyday.

4) Do you wish you could go back in time and undo something in your life?
I always wished I took my studies in college more seriously, or tried to do a better job managing my time and energy so I can achieve more. But if that didn't happen, I wouldn't be who I am now, I guess.

5) If you could send a message back in time and give a younger version of yourself some advice, what would it be?
"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." It certainly eases some of the rough times I've been going through lately.

Categorically Finished

2006-03-08T01:31:00.000+08:00
That's it. Sweet Charity, for all intents and purposes, is OVER. I hear the set is now gone, and the props are being moved back to Galian.

I was supposed to help out this afternoon, but since the rest of my plans for the day didn't push through, I felt rather lazy to go to Ateneo, and I stayed home. In retrospect, I suppose it's just as well that I wasn't there for strike set. Even just thinking about it is just too depressing for me.

Yeah, expect the next few entries to be about ending Sweet Charity and the post-prod blues that come with it. It's hard to let go of something you've focused on for four months. I'm trying not to miss it too much, but it doesn't seem to be working.

There are still a few loose ends I'd like to tie up, but otherwise... Now it's just a matter of waiting for the feeling to go away.

I need a new project.

Unhappy Endings

2006-03-06T22:18:00.000+08:00
Personally, there's always something naturally sad and depressing about the end of things. Particularly when it feels so abrupt. I guess after getting used to something for so long, and then losing it... well, it leaves such an empty feeling in me.

The end of Sweet Charity felt like it came so quickly. I suppose it's because we only had actual shows for one weekend. Still, today I felt so melancholy. Already I miss getting ready for a 4pm call time. I miss packing my bags with stinky costumes. I miss the warm-ups and stretching and group games, all to background music from either Nica's iPod, Pom's Vilma Santos CD, or Jim's '90s CD. I miss fussing about backstage over props, costumes, and makeup. I miss feeling jittery at the stage right wing before the music comes on. I miss tossing the ball to Karl, and catching the ball being tossed back. I miss the show. I even miss feeling extremely nervous right before Brass Band.

More importantly, I miss the people involved.

I guess in that respect, the anxiety has less to do with the actual production, but with the fear of losing friends I've made. There are five graduating seniors in the cast. Apart from myself, there are two alumni. Three cast members aren't even Ateneans. And who knows where life will take me in the next year.

Yeah, I'm rambling again. I guess I'm having a bit of post-production depression right now.

It is Finished.

2006-03-06T00:53:00.000+08:00
And so ends yet another chapter of my theater life.

Tick Tick...

2006-03-04T23:17:00.000+08:00
...BANG. Hehe. Well, the cast keeps saying that we ought to end every show with a BANG, so... yeah.

We're just about done. We have two more shows to go, both tomorrow (3pm and 7pm; get your asses to Ateneo's RMT, dammit). If the exhaustion is getting to us, it doesn't show during our shows. Sweet Charity is such a happy, vibrant, and exhilarating show that we simply get swept up in the moment and keep up the energy.

As always, I took pictures backstage and put them up at blueREP Pictures.

Reg caught in the Boys' Bathroom.

Karl about to do something to Yen.

Shark looking... um... looking.

Crazy rocker Shark.

Sweet innocent hippie Laura.

Aram doing an interpretative dance.

Andrei playing with his big black stick.

Me with the star of the show, GeeGee.

Me with Jim.

The cast with our Fosse workshop person, Joshua Tiu, after the show.

The Last Two Days

2006-03-04T09:24:00.000+08:00
Today is the second to the last day of Sweet Charity. We have four shows left, and after this weekend is done... well, the show's done. It's such a strange feeling, going from the high of opening a show to the senti-ness of closing a show in just four days.

Took some pictures backstage last night. Jepoy has some brilliant onstage pictures which really show off how pretty (and fun) the show is. I merely detail how fun and crazy being backstage with blueREP is. For more pics, just check out blueREP Pictures. (Joms also posted some warm-up pics.)

The lovely set, designed by Joel Reyes.

Costumes Head Mahar fixes Laura's hair.

Rolls, Karl, Pom, and Nica goof around before putting on costumes.

The star of the show, GeeGee, getting ready for a big night.

Vica Pineda, all dolled-up. (Seriously. She looks like a doll.)

This... would be me, getting revved up for Rhythm of Life.

Pom, Karl, and Jim posing at Jim's diva-esque dressing space.

WATCH SWEET CHARITY! SHOWS TODAY AT 3PM AND 7PM, AND TOMORROW AT 3PM AND 7PM, ALL AT ATENEO'S RMT! WALK-INS ARE WELCOME! TICKETS ARE ONLY 150 PESOS!

There's Only Us (Part 2)

2006-03-03T13:14:00.000+08:00
Before opening night, we watched a documentary about the musical Rent. It focused on the struggles of the show's creator, Jonathan Larson. It was a story most of us in the cast could identify with; here was a man who, no matter what, pursued his dreams.

Chari then reminded us that we should be generous in our shows, that we are the least important people when doing the shows. Every move we make, every experience, each audience, each rehearsal, each show we do takes us closer to realizing our ultimate dreams. That really struck me because I do believe I'm getting closer to realizing my dreams. I'm already starting to earn some money through theater; I'm hoping to get the opportunity to do more and bigger shows alongside my Koine projects.

Another detail struck a chord while watching the documentary. Someone in the cast - I forgot who - mentioned that working on the original production of Rent was a lot of fun, particularly because the fifteen (I think?) cast members all just worked together so well. Everyone was there, having fun, with nobody's ego causing problems within the group.

I thought about that, and it made me relish the theater experiences I've had so far. Maybe it's because I've just been doing blueREP and Koine productions, but I'm very happy with the working environment in every production I've been in. I do feel very comfortable working with the cast of Sweet Charity; we're just 22 people out to have fun and put on a fun show! There isn't a dull moment when the cast is gathered together. We enjoy each other's company, laugh at each other's jokes (and at each other's mistakes)... it's a lot of fun.

I'm so happy to be part of such a fun show with such a fun cast. I know we'll come up with five more kick-ass shows because we're just 22 kids having fun onstage.

One Down

2006-03-02T23:17:00.000+08:00
Well, the first show is done. I'm happy, relieved, exhausted, and... well, exhausted about covers it for now.

Five more in the next three days.

W00t!

Anticipating

2006-03-02T09:27:00.000+08:00
Tonight, finally, we open Sweet Charity.

The full realization of this hit me at frickin' 3am this morning. Naturally, the excitement and nerves meant I could barely sleep. (My dreams didn't help, but that's another matter.)

It has been more than a year since I appeared in a musical, and it has been nearly a year since I appeared in a blueREP play and performed in RMT. It's the biggest role I've ever had in a major blueREP musical (then again, I've only done two). All this is making me nervous and excited (nervcited?). I should be bouncing off the walls - quietly - backstage before the show.

It has been an amazing journey so far. I've learned so much from this experience, and I've gotten to know some wonderful people (ehem). I'll be taking away so many memories onstage, backstage, and offstage.

And we're not done yet. We have six shows in four days starting tonight, and of course, there's the cast party, which is a whole other adventure in the making.

But tonight - FINALLY! - it will all happen tonight. Dreams will come true tonight!

Crazy Times

2006-02-26T22:59:00.000+08:00
Things are insane in this country right now.

I really don't know what to make of it. It's ridiculous that this country seems to need to resort to "People Power" to (supposedly) change things. Unfortunately, the more things change, the more things seem to remain the same. It is unfortunate that the legacy, the idea, the ideals of "People Power" have been reduced to a cop-out solution to our country's problems.

I don't want to give up on this country. Honestly, I don't. But our leaders - on both the government and opposition sides - don't seem to be helping matters.

Sigh.

There's Only Us

2006-02-26T08:29:00.000+08:00
Last night, instead of staging Sweet Charity, I watched the movie version of Rent with Kenneth, Mia, Mika, Papu, Joy, Shark, Doble, and Niel and the Koine kids. It was a wonderful experience. The blueREP contingent sang along to the movie, to the bemusement of the kids there.

I'm glad that my first viewing of that film was with that particular bunch of people. All of us were touched in different ways by the movie. We all seemed to understand and empathize with the characters. By the end, our group's own chorus of "No day but today" was as heartfelt as it could be.

Rent is by no means a perfect movie. A bit of the characterization falls flat. Some of the direction is weak. The film sometimes shifts into MTV-mode, which can be very distracting (and, in one song's case, downright hilarious). Yet it is the message and the spirit of the movie which resonates with us. I can't count how many times the movie made me cry, because the movie struck a chord.

Rent is about friendship, and how true friendships last amidst adversity. It is about love, and how lucky people are to have loved and been loved in return. It is about taking chances, and how there's no room for regret in our too-short lives. It is about passion, and how we can never do things half-assed. It is about dreams, and how they continue to guide or haunt us as we go through life. It is about truth and honesty, and how we can lead better lives if only we were honest not only to others, but to ourselves.

There's only us.
There's only this.
Forget regret,
Or life is yours to miss.
No other road,
No other way,
NO DAY BUT TODAY!

Not Tonight

2006-02-24T17:52:00.000+08:00
The show must go on...

...but not this weekend. Ateneo decided to cancel all activities scheduled for today and tomorrow, which means we're not opening this weekend. Oh well.

NEW SHOW DATES!
Thursday, March 2, 7pm.
Friday, March 3, 7pm.
Saturday, March 4, 3pm and 7pm.
Sunday, March 5, 3pm and 7pm.

Tonight! Tonight! It Will All Happen Tonight!

2006-02-24T10:54:00.000+08:00
Dreams will come true tonight! Tonight! Tonight!

After roughly four months of auditions, workshops, rehearsals, and runs; after four months of fun, laughs, good times; after four months of sweat and pain; after four months of coming together as a group...

SWEET CHARITY OPENS TONIGHT!

Everything we've worked hard for comes together tonight. It has been an amazing experience, as always, and I'm so thankful I have yet another stellar blueREP experience. I'm so proud of everyone involved in the production, and I'm very happy that I'm working with this bunch of people.

We had preview night last night, and it was the first time we performed in front of an audience. It didn't matter that there wasn't much of them; they were IMPORTANT! theater people. Some were old blueREP members, like Enzo, Caisa, Gabs, and Bea. Some were friends of Chari who have appeared in Repertory Philippines shows, like Cathy Asanza, Niccolo Manahan, and Robbie Guevarra. It's a good thing I didn't get a good look at them until Act Two, or else the nerves would have taken over.

Still, performing in front of an audience was quite a rush. For the first time, we heard applause after our big numbers. For the first time, we heard laughter after our laugh lines. It's a feeling we hope to carry throughout the run.

Before the company dispersed, Chari reminded us that it's that sense of fun that we need to keep. Fun. I know that's something I should have for the rest of the run. It's time to forget whatever personal issues I have (they've melted away anyway, in any case). It's time to stop worrying about costume changes (which I've gotten used to). It's time to tell the story, to have a good time, to have fun!

(I guess it's important to have fun when the country is once again plunged in political turmoil. We promise to make you forget all that for even just two hours. Watch our musical.)

Hey Big Spender!

2006-02-23T00:43:00.000+08:00

Watch Ateneo Blue Repertory's SWEET CHARITY, a musical comedy about love and hope. If you need something to pick you up after a long, tiring, stressful week, this show will do it. It's fun, happy, and unflinchingly optimistic.

The cast includes Angela Primavera (Footloose, Merrily We Roll Along) as Charity Hope Valentine, Jepoy Ramos (The Wiz, Merrily We Roll Along, Trumpets' The Little Mermaid) as Oscar Lindquist, Shark Alonso (Merrily We Roll Along, Mr. 80%) as Vittorio Vidal, Nica Reynoso (Into the Woods) as Ursala, Kakki Teodoro (Merrily We Roll Along, Mr. 80%) as Nickie, Laura Cabochan (Blue Revue) as Helene, and Red Concepcion (Trumpets' The Little Mermaid) as Daddy Brubeck. An extremely talented cast of blueREPpers from Ateneo, UP, and Claret completes the cast. I play Herman, the owner of the Fandango Ballroom where Charity works. (In other words, I play the pimp!)

For tickets, please do post a message on this blog, or send txt me at 0917-5274050. We worked so hard for this musical, so please do catch it! Tickets are ONLY 150 pesos!

I Just Don't Know What to Do with Myself

2006-02-22T01:30:00.000+08:00
As I mentioned a couple of entries prior... I know I have less on my schedule than most people, but why do I still feel so stressed, tired, and pressured? Am I doing this to myself? Am I just not capable of handling stressful situations? Am I so completely inept that every little thing seems to bother me?

I just don't know how some people do it. They seem to have things under control. They can have a million things on their agenda and still have time to breathe, relax, have fun, and sneak in a few more things into their schedule. I have two (major) things that occupy my time, and already I'm freaking out.

I guess I've never been good with time (or energy) management. I've always made attempts to fix that, but they always seem to fall short. I try to organize my time as much as I can, but you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men... I even make accomodations for "felicitous events" (I'm screwing up spelling or the actual quote here), but it still feels like any little curveball sends me into a tailspin.

I should probably be resting (sleeping) right now, but my head's too occupied to rest. Just thinking about the next few days (the rest of the week, really) sends my pulse racing. (It's happening right now.) I'm worried about what I have to do.

I wonder what kind of pressure is tougher: Pressure from a teacher, or pressure from a boss. (I actually asked - rhetorically, really - Laura this.)

Ironically, when all this is over and done with (basically, come March 5), I'll be bored to death, and I'll be missing the activity and excitement. I like being busy, I guess, but there are times when it just gets too hectic for my puny brain to handle.

Maybe I just worry too much.

Blah!

Looking Up

2006-02-19T01:54:00.000+08:00
With one week to go until opening weekend (!!!), things are starting to pick up and look up. The show is definitely starting to shape up. The stage is set, literally. Lights and sounds are next. The runs aren't quite perfect just yet, but we're finally getting there.

I've also started having fun with the runs. I'm no longer concerned about my costume changes, and now that I have one less thing to worry about, I can concentrate on my character, my performance, and on having fun. I'm enjoying myself a lot more now, and it's starting to show in my performance. It's only a matter of time now before the show really completes itself.

Of course, things aren't always perfect. There are still some things that I wish were different, or better. That's going to take a different kind of effort to resolve. Let's see.

It's 3am, I Must Be Lonely...

2006-02-16T03:11:00.000+08:00
...or hateful.

I hate that today's Sweet Charity run wasn't so good. I hate that my allergies acted up during the run. I hate that I seem to get exhausted easily. I hate that I seem to be more tired than my castmates when I don't really have other concerns, such as school. I hate that I can't seem to enjoy running the musical right now. I hate that I sometimes feel so isolated from the rest of the cast. I hate that I feel I'm not putting in enough effort, even if it physically feels like I'm doing so. I hate that I've neglected the social aspect of being part of the cast. I hate that I feel like some people don't really care much for me as part of the cast... and I hate that it affects me so much.

I hate that I agreed to do something without thinking things through. I hate that I backed out of it so late in the game. I hate that I've disappointed so many people in that regard.

I hate that I'm panicking and cramming something right now. I hate that I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

I hate that I'm still awake even when I'm exhausted. I hate that I have to be awake in a couple of hours, and I still haven't rested or slept properly.

I hate that it feels like I'm not giving my all to Sweet Charity, yet I seem to be more exhausted than anyone else... it doesn't seem fair.

I hate myself.

I'm sure you hate me too.

Let It Go

2006-02-13T00:41:00.000+08:00
First things first.

What do you think of me? Honestly.

=====

If there's one thing I learned (or need to learn) from last Saturday, it's that sometimes, you just have to let things go. Let things be. If you stumble, let it go and move on.

It's so difficult to do, though... well, personally, anyway. I've always been one to analyze why things go wrong. I just can't let things be, especially if it has implications on who I am as a person. I need to know so I can adjust and hopefully change for the better. Unfortunately, it also means I tend to dwell on the past. I obsess over the littlest details and it drives me insane. I should just let it go.

I had more coherent thoughts on these, but, um, I've unwittingly let them go. Heh.

=====

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Um, yay.

Through the Wringer

2006-02-12T01:25:00.000+08:00
The last few days have been draining, particularly the one I just went through today (well, technically, yesterday). With Sweet Charity opening in two weeks, it should come as no surprise that the pressure is on. A pretty good run of Act One last Monday (after cleaning, of course) and a bit of cleaning of Act Two last Tuesday... were followed by a not-so-good run of Act One last Wednesday. To solve that problem, Chari gave us a very fun and interesting workshop activity: Everyone in the cast randomly switched roles, and we improvised Act One based on what we knew of everyone else's parts. Everyone had a lot of fun, and Chari told us that it was that kind of feeling that we should have when doing the show.

Which brings me to today (er, yesterday), since I missed Friday's rehearsals (Subtext). It was our first costume run in a week or two, and the pressure to deliver was definitely felt. For most of us, though, the greatest pressure was on making it through the quick costume changes. It was a little hard to concentrate on having fun doing the show when we were worrying about costumes; personally, the costume changes threw me off course, and I jumbled up a few lines and blanked out on a couple of choreo bits. Not good. Which is why we're doing costume runs everyday until just before the show begins.

It's definitely tough to juggle so many things to worry about at the same time. There's costumes, hair, lines, acting, singing, and dancing. I guess we really do need a little more practice so we can commit some of these to muscle memory and worry on other things now.

Rehearsals were extra-tough for me because, for one thing, I'm still running on limited hours of sleep, and also because I was doing the run on an empty stomach and a little dehydrated. Not good. By the end of the run, I was feeling rather weak and woozy.

Naturally, this was followed by the final show of Subtext. It was a fantastic run of four shows, and I'm proud to say that I'm now one of the fortunate who has gone through Subtext.

I really should go sleep and get some rest. My stomach's doing all sorts of weird things now, haha.

Survivor

2006-02-04T12:49:00.000+08:00
The week's pretty much done. It seems that I have survived most of what life hurled at me this week.

Tops on the list is opening night of Subtext. It was something I'd been anticipating for quite some time now. I was excited and terrified, and all in all, it worked out fine. It had been a while since I had an opening night backstage (both SAWI and Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos had me pre-set onstage, Mr. 80% was a restaging, and the Magical Microsoft Adventure doesn't really count), and that really let my nervousness and agitation build up. It was ultimately a pretty darn good show, though, and I'm very happy and proud to finally be part of the legion of actors who have performed Subtext. I'm in excellent company.

I think I've also gotten my insomnia. Last night's show was completely draining, and I was too exhausted to think, hence I was able to sleep. Finally. I'm still a bit sluggish, but at least I'm starting to recover my energy.

There are also other things I've survived this week. I guess it's a pretty good start to this month which I dread so much. Heh.

Under Pressure

2006-02-03T08:17:00.000+08:00
It has been a rough week.

First off, there's Subtext for Koine. Earlier in the week, emergency marathon rehearsals were called for Thursday because Very Important Press People were coming to watch the show this weekend. Koine itself will be featured on a TV show, and not only will the personalities be watching on Friday (erm, today), but the show itself will be filmed on Saturday. So naturally, the pressure is on. (Not that it wasn't on before, but now it's not just on, it's on.) Frankly, I'm a little terrified about my debut performance in this play being such a big deal. Excited, definitely, because I've always wanted to be in the play since I first saw it a couple of years ago. But the added pressure of Very Important Press People watching my first two shows is... Crazy. I can only hope to live up to the role.

A more pressing matter, though, is Sweet Charity for blueREP. Chari's finally back, and with it comes the pressure and agitation during runs. Nerves were showing during our first costume run last Wednesday; lines and cues were forgotten, energy was all over the map (from yawn-inducing lows to uncontrollable highs), and everyone was just jittery. Things weren't much better last night, and the dam broke. Actually, I think it's great that we, the cast, had that reality check/slap in the face/wake-up call last night. The show opens in less than a month. If we weren't feeling the pressure to deliver, then something was wrong. The run ultimately got as down, but I'm hoping it also jolted us and gave us the drive to do much, much better on Monday.

There are other things that are demanding my attention as well. There's that Temple Hill International School gig, which is rolling along just fine. And of course, there are the ever-present personal issues. But I'm learning to deal with them. I may not succeed all the time, but I'll get through it.

One month. It all ends in one month. Good luck.

Losing My Mind

2006-02-02T02:15:00.000+08:00
Exhaustion coupled with insomnia... not a good combination. My head's aching and spinning, and my nose is all runny. Yes, I know, I should get some rest/sleep, but like I said, it's insomnia, or at least a minor form of it. I can still sleep, thank goodness, but it takes a while. And I wake up earlier than I want to.

This is the second week that it's going on. I don't know exactly why it's happening (though I have a few guesses). It's extremely frustrating though. At the end of a long day, particularly after some rigorous dance rehearsals, the first thing that I'd like to do is plop down somewhere and go to sleep for a very long time. Unfortunately, that's not happening. I'm exhausted, but I can't seem to fall asleep.

Today (or, to be precise, yesterday, as it is now 2am) was perhaps one of the most exhausting days. We had a costume run today, so I walked to school carrying a bag, two suits, and two garment bags carrying four pairs of shoes. By the time I arrived at the rehearsal venue, I was tired. Then we had the costume run, and practicing costume changes was... it's tough. There was even a stretch of time when my brain just completely zoned out. (It's that turn in I'm a Brass Band that always gets me stressed out.)

After rehearsals, once again, I trekked home with my costumes. All that exertion made me exhausted, naturally. As I said, it was one of the most tiring and stressful rehearsals to date. And yet this is also the latest I've stayed awake so far.

Argh!

Meanwhile, my personal emotional issues still aren't resolved, though at least things seem to be going... okay. Meh.

It's February. I hate this month. Heh.

Mind Reading

2006-01-29T01:45:00.000+08:00
One of the most difficult things about social interactions is finding out the underlying subtext in any exchange. (Of course, this is assuming there is some special subtext in the situation. I guess that's the first stumbling block: Should we take the exchange at face value, or should we explore its deeper implications?)

There have been quite a few times when, during (or, more likely, after) a conversation, I think to myself: What's going on here? Does it mean anything other than what happened? I, personally, have a tendency to overthink and overanalyze; that, taken together with a semi-paranoid personality as well as low self-esteem, lead to some very... interesting analyses of conversations, often injecting subtext where there probably was none.

Of course, one of the most pertinent applications of text-subtext discrepancies involves more personal relationships with people. The mind (well, mine, at least) works overtime when dealing with someone you're (at the very least) "in like" with. One starts wondering what the other really means or intends to express during a certain conversation or action. (Refer to "Mix Tape" from Avenue Q.)

Almost as strong as wondering whether a person is expressing (requited) "like" for you is wondering whether a person has a negative opinion on you. I wonder sometimes if exchanges and conversations are eternally shallow or prematurely ended (or even aborted before they begin) because the other person really doesn't like you, or, for some reason or another, has an issue with you.

I'm going through both polar ends at the moment. With Person A, I'm constantly wondering if I should take things at face value (which is what I'm leaning towards), or if there's some underlying subtext there. With Person B, I'm constantly wondering if the nature of our "conversations" (more like "brief vocal exchanges," since we don't really seem to talk) is due to the fact that said person has some problem with me.

At times like these, I wish I could read minds, or at least be a better judge of subtext. I would like to find some peace in finding out just what exactly both Person A and Person B think of me.

Still, I can't help but wonder if the real reason I want this sort of ESP is to avoid the repercussions of any direct dialogue addressing the issues at hand. If I knew exactly what both Person A and Person B were thinking, then I would be able to deal with it on my own. But since I don't, if I truly want some peace of mind, then I should probably talk things through... and the effects of that could be devastating.

Crap, why do things have to be so frickin' hard?!

(Naturally, the discussion of text and subtext will segue into promotions for SUBTEXT, a one-act play in three scenes, by Koine. The play will be staged on Feb. 3, 4, 10, and 11 and 7:30pm. Send me a message for ticket reservations. And no, I didn't spend time on this entry just to promote my show. I really DO have some issues regarding this.)

Looking Forward

2006-01-27T00:19:00.000+08:00
I've been really exhausted lately. I've been falling asleep wherever I can (in the cab, in front of the PC) whether I'm comfortable or not. I've been travelling to so many different places doing so many different things. It's draining.

But despite all that, I know it will all be worth it in the long run.

I'm looking forward to Subtext (Feb. 3, 4, 10, and 11, 7:30pm, Koine). The show itself has emerged as one of my favorites, and I'm very honored to be doing it. Even the segment I'm doing is my favorite of the three. While it is the easiest to memorize out of the three scenes, I think it's also the most difficult, emotionally. As Direq put it during a recent rehearsal, the scene really involves a rollercoaster of emotions. It's a daunting task, as I am filling rather large shoes. Still, I am thankful for the challenge, and I'm hoping I do it justice. It will take a full arsenal of emotions and experiences to pull it off.

I'm looking forward to the Temple Hill International School English Week presentation. I'm directing three very brief scenes for this. It's officially my first experience doing any sort of directing, and while I haven't really started yet, I'm looking forward to the fruits of my labor. It's quite satisfying to be able to watch your finished product, and if I'm able to bring out some really good performances, then I'll be so happy and proud. Let's see how that goes, shall we?

I'm looking forward to Sweet Charity (Feb. 24, 7pm; Feb. 25, 3pm and 7pm; March 3, 7pm; March 4, 3pm and 7pm; Ateneo Rizal Mini-Theater). The cast and crew have been working really hard at this. Despite a couple of bad foot injuries (Nica and Jill), costume troubles, and venue issues, we're still rolling along merrily. Things are starting to shape up, and now we're going full steam ahead. I'm excited. I've learned so much from this experience, and if it's the last big musical I'll ever do (geez, I hope not, though), then it's great to be going out with a bang. I'll definitely miss the experience when it's over.

There are also a lot of other little things I'm looking forward to seeing come through, but these are the Big Three which are tiring me out. I can't wait for all these projects to be completed, but I'm sure I'll miss them when they're done.

(Psst, please support my passions and watch my shows!)

Secrets

2006-01-22T20:30:00.000+08:00

PostSecret remains one of my favorite websites, and it's not hard to see why. One a superficial level, it satisfies my voyeuristic self, learning a little more (and sometimes, a little too much) about people out there (although, given the nature of the site, it's possible one of those postcards is from someone I know).

However, perhaps the more dominant and lasting appeal of the site lies in the fact that it taps into something in each of us. Maybe we can relate to a postcard or two. Maybe we know someone who's going through something similar. Maybe we just feel sad (or happy) for whoever posted a secret. In any case, it helps me reflect on who I am and what I'm going through. And in a way, it makes me feel better knowing that somewhere, someone knows exactly what you're going through.

I've been wanting to post one of the postcards on my blog for some time now, but this is the first that really made me take notice. I think the postcard speaks for itself, yes?

=====

While we're on the topic of secrets and secrecy... While there's always a sense of excitement when you have a secret - after all, you're now part of a select group of people with that specific piece of information - it can also be a burden. For one thing, you wonder why it's a secret at all. That in itself is quite a damning question.

Sooner or later, whether or not you're the originator of that secret, it starts to eat you from within. You ache to be able to tell your secret, but you can't, for one reason or another.

Sigh.

Recognition

2006-01-20T01:15:00.000+08:00
Fame or recognition has never been one of my reasons for pursuing theater. I joined blueREP partly to satisfy my need to try something new before graduating, and partly to try and break out of my shyness. With those satisfied (the former a wee bit more successfully than the latter), love of performing in general took over.

Of course, it's always nice to be recognized for something you've done. Hearing the applause and getting compliments about your performance are great, particularly for one who seems to need positive reinforcement, like, all the time. But I don't love the spotlight above everything else; the rush of performing (particularly in a good show) is enough for me.

That said, it is nice to be recognized and remembered for something you've done. It's validation for all the time, effort, and hard work that I (and the rest of the production team, of course) put into rehearsing, hunting for costumes and props (among other production woes), and ultimately performing. It's acknowledgment of a job well done. It's encouragement to continue pursuing this track.

In past years, I've had people recognize me from a short film Cha, Cathy, and Gabs did a couple of years ago, as well as Mr. 80%. Recently, some people I've met recognized me in the recent revival of Mr. 80%. A random guy at the cafeteria once asked me if I was that guy in S.A.W.I., and proceeded to talk about that play to his female companion. A girl participating as an extra in Kung Paano Maglakbay sa Penny Lane confessed that everytime she sees me, she can't get the "inhale, outhale, uy, Hale!" lines from S.A.W.I. out of her head. And today (well, yesterday, technically) Niel gave me a framed collage of my publicity photos from Koine.

Recognition is nice. Very nice. I won't let it get to my head (after all, I know there's so much more I need to explore and learn and improve), and I won't let it be the focus of my life/career. But I'll use it to continue to drive me forward and encourage me; sort of like a "you're doing fine" reassurance.

Here's to more shows!

(Cue promotions.)

SUBTEXT. Koine One-Acts Theater. 2nd Floor FORAB Building, 121 Kamuning Road, QC. Shows on February 3, 4, 10, and 11 at 7pm. Tickets are 200 pesos each.
SWEET CHARITY. blueREPERTORY. Rizal Mini-Theater. Shows on February 24 and March 3 at 7pm, and February 25 and March 4 at 3pm and 7pm. Tickets are 150 pesos each.

For both shows, send me a message for reservations.

Kung Paano Maglakbay Sa Penny Lane

2006-01-15T17:42:00.000+08:00

Pagod ka na ba sa paglalakbay ng iyong Long and Winding Road? Nais mo bang magpahinga makalipas ang A Hard Day's Night? Gusto mo na bang sumuko at sumigaw ng Help!?

Let It Be. Come Together at panoorin ang Kung Paano Maglakbay Sa Penny Lane, isang bagong dula tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay sa lupa, langit, at impiyerno. Isinulat ito ni Jihan Estrella sa direksyon ni Raph Doval-Santos. Kabilang sa mga tauhan ng dula sina Ada Lopez bilang Jude, Patch Joven bilang Lucy, Jun Valenton bilang Morrie/Hitler, at Ren Robles bilang Sgt. Pepper.

Ipapalabas ang dulang ito sa Gonzaga Exhibit Hall, sa ikatlong palapag ng Gonzaga Hall sa Ateneo de Manila University. Mapapanood ito sa ika-25 ng Enero, Miyerkules, 12:00-1:00nh; ika-26 ng Enero, Huwebes, 2:30-3:30nh; at ika-27 ng Enero, Biyernes, 4:30-5:30nh.

Tangkilikin ang Fine Arts Festival!

Sober and Depressed

2006-01-15T03:03:00.000+08:00
Well, the long day has ended (in fact, it's a new day, even if I have yet to hit the hay). I didn't pass out, but I'm not roaringly drunk either. I don't think I was even buzzed after Ralph's ice-cream-and-booze party.

Instead, I'm home at 3am after a total of five scoops of ice cream, a couple of glasses of pineapple/gin mix, a glass of peach champagne, and a few sips of brandy. And I'm sober.

And, well, okay, somewhat depressed.

Which, really, isn't anything new. I seem to take that role in every party. =P The inflatable bed Mia pulled out was (personally) less comforting than the hard wooden floor... So, yes, angst much on my side. (Tends to happen, really.)

Eh. It could have been better. But it also could have been worse. So... "Eh."

Happy birthday to Ralph and Dobs, by the way. =)

Busy, Busy, Busy...

2006-01-14T08:26:00.000+08:00
Got a busy day ahead (though I guess not as busy as other people). Woke up early today so I can go to Watson's to buy make-up. Sweet Charity pictorials at 10am. After a lunch break at 12nn, Sweet Charity rehearsals (choreo) at 1pm. Fine Arts Festival tech run at 4pm. Call time for Koine at 5:45pm, with the show starting at 7:30pm. I cap the night with Ralph's birthday celebration.

That one has alcohol involved.

So I'll either end the day totally exhilarated after the day's events, or I'll be so exhausted and drunk that I'll be passed out. (I vote for the latter.)

Still, despite the potential for, uhh, passing out, I actually like being really busy. It keeps me distracted, for one, hahaha.

Empty/Full

2006-01-10T23:24:00.000+08:00
I apologize because my blog has been empty since the new year started. I wasn't even able to post a new year's greeting. I haven't even gotten around to drawing up some resolutions, and the year is almost two weeks old.

Ironically, the emptiness of my blog may be due to the fact that my mind (and heart?) is (are) full. I have so much to say and yet I have no way of saying it. There really are no words to express the things going on in my head; in a way, I think it's better that way. I'm trying to deal with that in my own way.

Another reason I haven't updated is that I've been trying to delay updating until I finish redesigning my blog. I may be full of ideas, but I'm empty when it comes to executing them. They never come out the way I want them to. It sucks.

My closet is full of new clothes. My shelf is full of new DVDs and books. All this splurging (retail therapy?) has left me empty of cash in my wallet and ATM, and empty of credit in my credit cards.

So how's my life so far in the new year?

It's definitely full of new experiences, yet somehow it all seems empty... (I hate exhaustion, brings out the angst in me.)

Seasons of Love

2005-12-31T20:40:00.000+08:00
In a little more than 3 hours, we will say farewell to 2005.

Ah, 2005. What a crazy year it has been. Through all the ups and downs, 2005 was quite a memorable year. Lessons I have learned in 2004 have been applied to 2005, and even more lessons were learned. I was exposed to even more experiences, and I met quite a lot of people who - to ~~steal~~ borrow lyrics from Wicked - may or may not have changed me for the better, but have definitely changed me for good.

525,600 minutes... how do you measure a year in the life? Measure in love...

Ah, love. Passion. Passion is all it takes, as blueREP's motto says. And passion and love definitely reflect what 2005 was like.

I must warn you, this is going to get long and rambling.

2005 was about theater. I realized in 2004 that without theater, life was, well, crappy. In 2005, I built on that realization and pursued a life in theater. I started off the year with a pair of auditions for major professional productions, Beauty and the Beast and Once on this Island. I didn't make the cut for either, but it was quite the experience, one I'm glad I shared with blueREP.

Then May came, and I was occupied with two projects for blueREP. One was a corporate show organized by PeopleIgnite for Microsoft, Magical Microsoft Adventure. I played Dad and Encarta. It was fun, especially given the reaction of the kids. A few issues aside, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. The other was a revival of 2004's comedy hit Mr. 80%. Once again, I played Leslie. It was just as fun the second time around, and it helped that we had two casts, new people to work with, a bigger budget (we actually had a set), and two remarkably talented guest actors, Gabe Mercado and Missy Maramara. Both shows started rehearsals in May and were staged in June. Juggling two productions was rather difficult, particularly since the Microsoft project was sandwiched between Mr. 80%'s two weekends.

Then came Blue Revue. Out of the blue, I was asked to be Head Stage Manager for the event. It was a lot of fun! I got to know this year's batch of newbies, and it was an amazing experience. They're one of the most well-bonded groups I've seen, and after such a short time together, too. Some of them have even become my closest friends. Working with Macky was also great, and it reinforced the idea that he and I are quite alike in many, many ways. I'm glad I got to know him on a much deeper level than in Merrily We Roll Along. But above all that, it was my first official exposure to the backstage and tech sides of theater, and it made me appreciate the difficulties of both. It's hard. It really honed both my nurturing side and my obsessive-compulsive side as well; even after the production, I can't seem to shake either side of me. I'll definitely treasure that experience, both on a personal and a professional level.

At the same time that I was running like a headless chicken behind the scenes of Blue Revue, I was also shuttling to and from Kamuning, where I was rehearsing for my first professional production. The show was SAWI: Single Ako, Warning Ito a one-act comedic play written by Jihan Estrella and directed by Niel de Mesa for Koine. I played Viktor, a typical dumb jock plagued with bouts of gayness. It was an awesome experience; I learned so much from it, largely from the fact that I was working with a more varied group of people as well as working with Niel.

Right after that, I went into juggling two more productions for the third strecth of time in a row. Rehearsals started for blueREP's major production for this schoolyear, Sweet Charity. I'm enjoying working with Chari Arespacochaga again, and ManMan and Kyla are great as well. And this time around, not only do I have a name (Herman, the pimp), I also have my own song ("I Love to Cry at Weddings")! At the same time, I co-starred in another Koine one-act play, Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos, written and directed by Niel. I played Matandang Lalaki. (I still have two more shows of Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos on January 7 and 14. Contact me if you want to watch.)

Two more projects popped up in December. I was AD/SM/Spinner for December Hints of Mistletoe, the Christmas presentation of Temple Hill International School, thanks to Niel. And I'm a cast member in a Fine Arts Festival production, Kung Paano Maglakbay sa Penny Lane, written by Jihan and directed by Raph Doval-Santos (I play Sgt. Pepper).

And aside from all that, I went back to writing, and I completed my first one-act play, Civil, which I'm hoping will be staged in the new year. I've also started writing a few other projects, and hopefully I can continue writing in the new year.

I love theater and everything about it. I especially love performing, but I appreciate dipping into other aspects as well. In 2005, I immersed myself in living a life that more or less revolves around theater, and I hope to continue living it in the new year. I have learned and experienced so much, and I can't wait to extend that in 2006.

Just as my professional life started to bloom in 2005, so did my personal life. 2005 was also about friendship, and all the wild and crazy things I go through with these "good and crazy people, my friends" (quoted from Company).

When I celebrated my birthday in September with my old friends, they said they were happy I joined blueREP because it really helped me come out of my shell. In 2005, I experienced even more new and crazy things with the friends I met in blueREP.

Well, for starters, I started drinking, hehehe. And wow, that just opened me up to a whole new world of experiences. Of course, I can't really elaborate on what these experiences were (rest assured they were nothing too dangerous or stupid... just a little bit dangerous and stupid sometimes, I suppose, as is expected when alcohol enters the picture), but they're experiences I'll always keep in my heart and mind.

In summer, I really got to know and got close to Mia, which is something I'm very happy about. We've been through and shared so much this year; in fact, a good number of my memories from 2005 were related, directly and indirectly, to her. So Mia, thanks for the memories. (Egads, that sounded like a eulogy.)

As I mentioned above, I also met and got to know the newbies. I think it would be unfair to give special notice to even a handful of them, so I guess a general "thank you" will do. (If you feel you've done something extra-special, pat yourself on the back.)

I've been through so much with my friends. I've gotten to know quite a few of them on a much, much personal level, and I would like to thank you for the trust you have bestowed upon me. I promise to continue to uphold your trust in 2006... and beyond.

And to the special people who made life even more interesting for me... ;)

Aside from my love of theater and the love of my friends, 2005 also allowed be to love myself a little more. It's not as self-centered as it seems, especially if you consider how much I didn't really love myself.

This year, I allowed myself to feel good about myself, to even accept that I can be good at things. While I'll admit to feeling insecure about my abilities every so often, I'm a lot more willing to take credit for my talents as well.

I've also treated myself to some little pleasures in life, such as expanding my DVD and CD collections (now with even more Broadway content!), reading more books (Jasper Fforde, Terry Pratchett, Carl Hiaasen, Freakonomics, Blink, and currently reading The Tipping Point), watching more plays and musicals, and, as of yesterday, getting a facial and a massage. I even treated myself to the Jars of Clay concert in Araneta Coliseum this year. I may have gone alone, but it was still one of the best experiences of the past year.

2005 wasn't all peaches and cream, however. My grandmother died last May, for one. And I haven't seen quite a lot of my old friends in a long time. A lot of the negative feelings aren't even my own to begin with. Yet after everything, I'm still merrily rolling along.

And now, with only a couple of hours before midnight, it's time to close the book on 2005, and look forward to 2006. I wonder what the new year will bring...

...stay tuned.

Christmas Bells

2005-12-25T00:13:00.000+08:00
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

I Wish

2005-12-23T22:40:00.000+08:00
I'll admit to struggling with this season year after year. I rarely feel the Christmas spirit, and the cold weather - while nice - isn't helping, since it makes me yearn for... well, whatever. Hehe.

And I'll also admit that this year, I've had quite a lot of moments where the whole season was just ticking me off. Things happened that I wish didn't, and more often than not, things that I wanted to happen, well, didn't. I was suffering from the holiday blues as recently as this morning (until well into the afternoon).

But with a little help from my friends, I've been experiencing a whole lot more Christmas cheer this year than in previous years.

I first experienced the rush when I bought gifts for my friends. Granted, I'm unable to provide gifts for everyone, but just being able to purchase and give gifts was a nice feeling. As difficult as looking for the "perfect gift" was, it was a thrill to finally find something that I knew - somehow - would be perfect for someone.

That feeling was reinforced last Wednesday when I finally gave out the gifts. There was a real sense of gratitude (and surprise) when I gave them their gifts. Even better was when some of them opened their gifts and simply adored what I got for them. It brings joy to my heart to see my friends really appreciate what I gave them.

I also had one of the best, if not the best, Christmas parties last Wednesday. The blueREP party was rowdy and unpredictable, which isn't a big surprise considering it's blueREP, but the energy and sense of... fun and togetherness was especially strong this time around. I was extremely hyper (and no, not just for shallow reasons) and, well, so was everyone. All the members seemed to forget all the stress and issues and whatever it is that was bugging them and just had fun. Even better: No alcohol was invovled! (We had that after the party proper.)

And today, after a crappy day and a half, I watched and listened to the Ateneo Chamber Singers perform Christmas carols. It was a wonderful experience, sitting at the Church of the Gesu and listening to very good choral music. After that, I went to Bellarmine Field to check out the little offerings they had, and bought some food to bring home. I even bumped into two old friends, so that was cool.

I've also gotten more gifts than I usually do (particularly in recent years), but that's just icing on the cake.

So... yeah, I guess it's a good Christmas after all.

=====

I find that making wish lists - and sharing them - a little off. Maybe it's just me, but it's definitely a different rush to search long and hard for the perfect gift, compared to grabbing any random (or affordable) item on a friend's wish list.

But here I am creating a list of my own. I'll preface the list by saying this: It's entirely up to you what it is that you give to me. In fact, I don't expect anyone to give me any of the gifts listed below (I'll explain later). For that matter, I don't expect you to give me a gift; if you do, it's awesome, but if you don't, that's awesome too. I just felt like making a list.

Now while constructing this list, I was thinking more of the deeper meaning (or subtext, if you will) of the actual gift. While yes, I'm sure that whatever it is you give me is heartfelt, I'm thinking of an even... deeper reason for the gift, ifyouknowwhatImean. In Mia's words, if you give me any one of these, my body is yours. =P

This wish list isn't limited to Christmas, of course. It's just a general list of things I'd love to receive from someone very, very special. (Hey, it doesn't even have to be a romantic - or even sexual - kind of special. In other words, if you really want to give me any one of these, even without romantic intentions, that would still be kick-ass. I'm rambling, so let's get on with the list.)

1. A heartfelt live performance of a song. In essence, make me believe that you really mean what you're singing. Actually, there are three songs in particular that would make me melt. In increasing order of preference: "You're Still You" by Josh Groban, "Everything" by Lifehouse, and "All'Improvviso Amore" by Josh Groban.

2. Free or sponsored dance classes/voice lessons/acting workshops. That was in order of decreasing preference. I am in particular want/need of dance lessons, because, well, I can't dance. And while it'd be awesome if you paid for (partially or in full) any of these classes in any of those big-name institutions, it'd also be awesome (and possibly cooler) if you provided and conducted those lessons yourself, hee hee.

3. A trip. Well, not just any trip... I love to travel, so a nice all- (or most-) expenses-paid trip anywhere would be awesome. Extra points the further you lead me from my home. Extra extra points if you're there with me. (Besides, travelling alone isn't fun.)

4. Tickets to a Broadway show. Now this is a longshot, since first you'll have to fulfill #3. And you'd also have to help me process my Visa application. But like I said, the items on this list don't have an expiration date; it's not like I need them by Christmas. But in general, free tickets - concert, movie, play, musical - would be greatly appreciated. (Just make sure it's not material I hate.)

~~5. A play/musical/production number created in my honor.~~ Oh wait, the Blue Revue newbies did that already for me. Thanks guys! You definitely made this year's birthday one of the best I've ever had.

The latter half of the list contains more... realistic (and materialistic) wishes, but of course I have my own little quirks when it comes to these things.

6. Original DVD box sets of a TV show I like. Excluding Lost, since I have that already. And excluding Alias (Season Three), since Jepoy did that already (gotta love my blueREP bro). The older and more obscure the show, the cooler the gift.

7. Any new electronics gadgets. Because they tend to be extremely helpful yet ridiculously expensive. Google sent me (and many others, I presume) a gift box with some techie goodies, and life was wonderful.

8. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes and/or The Complete Peanuts. I love both of these comic strips, and I would love to have the beautiful books (or sets of books) that collect every single strip that came out of their respective artists' hands.

9. The Giving Tree and/or The Missing Piece Meets the Big O. I remember reading - or more accurately, having been read to - these two Shel Silverstein books, and I remember loving them book. But it's one thing to be given either book; it would be awesometo get it from someone who was also touched by either book and understands its meaning (or at least has an appreciation for it). I'm a sap that way.

10. Matching bracelets. Like I said, I'm a sap. And bracelets are less... conspicuous than, say, a ring.

So that's my hard-to-achieve wish list. Here's hoping someone, somewhere, sometime gives me any of theses. ahahaha...

2005-12-22T02:51:00.000+08:00
I'm happy.

And yet... not really.

It's a strange feeling. There's something that lifts you up, and yet that exact same thing pulls you down.

Hmm.

I don't really want something to ponder about over the Christmas break, but I guess it's unescapable now.

Am rather tipsy as I write this, but... yeah, alcohol dulls the inhibitions and the senses.

Great Big Stuff

2005-12-21T07:59:00.000+08:00
Yesterday, I was surprised by a call from DHL saying they were going to come on over and deliver a package.

Package? I wasn't expecting anything. I didn't remember ordering anything recently, so I was extremely curious about this package.

I was out of the house when it arrived, so I checked it out as soon as I got home.

Apparently, Google sent out some Christmas gifts to some of its, er, clients (I guess). I got this lovely organizer-like thing which contained a few (notebook) PC gadgets: A 4-slot USB hub, a mini optical mouse, a 64MB flash disc, and a USB notebook light.

Awesome! Free stuff is always fun, but free techie stuff kicks ass.

On a related note, I've been doing some Christmas shopping lately. It's such a nice rush to find gifts for your friends, and I'm sure it'll be great to see their reactions when they get their gifts (assuming, of course, that they like whatever it is I got them). But it's also incredibly stressful, especially since I just walk and commute in order to get around. Also, it's rather frustrating to be unable to get gifts for everyone you want to give a gift to... I hope my friends understand.

On an unrelated note... Of all the times to get a horrible, horrible cold, why now?!?!?! Sigh. This sucks.

I Can Do Better Than That

2005-12-19T13:56:00.000+08:00
Well, that was an interesting couple of days.

First and foremost, thanks to everyone who had a hand in keeping me more or less sane (and, perhaps more importantly, alive) during those days. Of course, you've already helped do that many times in the past, so this is nothing new. Special mention to Karl for helping pick me up on that particularly gloomy Saturday night.

I've put that behind me now. Or, well, I'd like to believe that I have.

I'd like to think that I'm a slightly "stronger" and/or mature individual compared to who I was last year, but I still get bouts of depression and self-doubt (which will probably never truly go away). And sure, I may have done the single most idiotic thing I have ever done this year (right, Papu and Joy?). But I think my recovery time has become much shorter, and I've bounced back faster (and better) than I have in the past.

I'd like to think that I've learned from the past. Maybe I have.

So after last weekend... I'm much better now, thankyouverymuch. I'll look back on those couple of days and laugh. I'm back to being happy, being thankful and grateful I have the opportunity to be so fully immersed in what I love. Heck, next month alone, I have four or five theater-related projects lined up. Plus I have a little more time now to hang out at Galian with my friends.

Here's hoping the last few days were really an exception rather than the rule.

Why God Why

2005-12-18T00:34:00.000+08:00
Well then.

Whatever it is I'm going through... it's a strange feeling. It's both liberating and entrapping. It's both glorious and sorrowful. And you'd think I'd kind of get used to... life, but no.

I'm grateful for what I have, but I mourn for what could have been (or what I wish were true, anyhoo).

Just let me wallow in my depression while I enjoy my ecstasy. It'll all sort itself out.

EDIT: Just a few minutes later, I check out Karl's blog, and I chat with him for a bit. Somehow, it's made a difference. Thanks Karl.

Fucked Up.

2005-12-16T23:28:00.000+08:00
I have a knack for screwing things up.

Sigh...

I love theater because it allows me to escape my crappy fucked-up life.

I suck at living.

Last Chance to Watch Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos

2005-12-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

SAMPUNG MINUTO BAGO MAKARAOS.

December 16 and 17, January 7 and 14. 7:30pm.
2nd Floor FORAB Building, 121 Kamuning Road, Quezon City.
Tickets are 200 pesos each.
For ticket reservations, leave a comment, tag or txt me, or call Koine at 410-4485.

WATCH!

Exhaustion

2005-12-13T23:01:00.000+08:00
I am exhausted.

I don't know how to muster the strength to pull through for the rest of the week.

And it's only Tuesday!

Oddly enough, it doesn't help that I won't be attending Sweet Charity rehearsals until Saturday. As exhausting as those rehearsals are, they're also ultimately exhilerating, particularly socially.

Blecch.

Well, at least I'm getting exhausted because I'm doing something I love...

Merrily We Roll Along

2005-12-11T21:52:00.000+08:00
A year and a day ago, Merrily We Roll Along opened.

Has it really been a year?

blueREP has been responsible for quite a few turning points in my life (both professional and personal), but the Merrily We Roll Along experience will always stand out among the rest.

It was the show that more or less set my career path, that steered me away (for good) from the corporate life into the theater industry. It was the show that taught me the importance of tending to your dream, even as dreams take time. It was the show that trained me in the ways of professional theater.

A lot has happened since then.

I'd like to believe I've grown as a person since last year. I read my old LJ entries, and, well, a lot of them weren't pretty. I was very insecure not only as an actor and performer, but as a person in general. Now... Well, I'm still insecure, but I'm not as harsh on myself as I used to be. Sure, there are still times when I feel down on myself, and I do or think stupid things, but they're becoming fewer, and when I experience them, I (try to) bounce back from them faster.

At one point during the process of putting up Merrily, I promised to a few castmates that I wouldn't "sell out" like Frank did in the play. We promised to stick to our dreams and our general desire to keep doing and pursuing theater for the foreseeable future.

Looks like I'm on the right track.

And now, one year after Merrily We Roll Along, I'm still merrily rolling along, tending to my dreams. Hopefully, in the future, if someone asks, "How did you get to be here?" I'll know exactly what to answer.

We're opening doors, singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days on a dime.
That faraway shore's looking not too far.
We're following every star —
There's not enough time!

We're banging on doors, shouting, "Here again!"
We're risking it all on a dime.
That faraway shore's looking near again,
The only thing left is when,
We know we should count to ten —
We haven't got time!
We haven't got time!

The Friday Five - 09 December 2005

2005-12-10T08:40:00.000+08:00
Yes, I'm always a day late with this. Haha. Taken from The Friday Five.

1. What did you want to be when you grew up?
I always wanted to be a doctor.

2. Did you follow through? If not, what happened?
Er, no. High School Biology (2nd year) happened - specifically, frog dissection. I realized just how squeamish I was. I didn't have the stomach to be a doctor. That line of thinking was reinforced in freshman year of college, during Zoology.

3. Is your life turning out the way you thought it would when you were a kid? If not, is it better or worse?
Well, it's definitely not turning out the way I thought it would be. I guess it's better, because I always thought I'd either be a doctor or one of those Makati business people... And now, I definitely do not want to be a corporate drone. Viva La Vie Boheme! (Heh.)

4. Paradoxes aside, if you could time-travel back to when you were 10 years old, what would you tell your 10-year-old self?
Well, for starters, I don't really regret decisions I make, because they helped shape who I am. But, well, perhaps I'd tell him to take voice lessons, acting lessons, dance lessons, musical theater workshops, and learn an instrument. Those skills would come in handy now.

5. Do you think the child you were, would like the adult you've become?
I think the child I was would be creeped out by the adult I've become. Heh.

The Joy You Feel

2005-12-08T23:19:00.000+08:00
Well, the last two weeks have been absolute madness! And I mean that in the best way possible. I honestly don't know where to begin, so I'll just enumerate the many reasons why I'm so... happy (I guess) at the moment.

Sweet Charity rehearsals are in full swing. We're more or less done with music rehearsals (or at least learning the songs), but of course we'll need to work on getting our notes absolutely right as well as timing it to the minus one. Still, it was nice to finally sing Herman's song, "I Love to Cry at Weddings," at the right key. We also finished blocking the entire play last week, so at least we have the basics down pat.

And then there's choreography. Choreography started this week, and man, I can feel it. Literally. My muscles - particularly my leg muscles - are aching like heck. I've never really been much of a dancer, yet I'm always excited about doing new dances and choreo. It's a challenge I'm willing to take on. Sure, I don't always get the steps perfect, but I'd like to believe I'm driven enough to make sure I get it right. If there's one thing I'll have to master by the end of Sweet Charity, it's being able to dance and sing and act at the same time. Whattaconcept.

We've finished doing choreography for "Big Spender" (which involves only the girls, so I'm obviously not in it), "I'm a Brass Band" (guys-only this time around), and "Rhythm of Life" (everyone's in this one). It's hard, but it's fun. I love it! (Besides, I'm sure I'll lose weight because of all this.) A gazillion thanks to Kyla for the choreography.

Speaking of Sweet Charity and blueREP, the org was featured on QTV Channel 11 a week ago, on a segment called SYBORG: School Year's Best ORG. It featured interviews with Chari Arespacochaga, GeeGee Primavera, and Kakki Teodoro. They shot some footage from rehearsals a couple of Saturdays ago, so the clip included a few shots of me, including me screeching out my first line, as well as screaming out the end to "Rhythm of Life." Cut to me laughing my head off seeing that part, followed by an intense desire to bury my head in the sand. Still, it's nice to see my org featured so... lovingly on national TV. (Even if it's likely that the only people who got to see it are other blueREPpers.)

From one theater group to the next... Koine. We finally opened Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos two weekends ago, and it was... Meh. Definitely could have been better; those were two shows I kind of wish never happened, but at the same time, they helped us all improve for the succeeding shows. Which is exactly what happened. We had our best shows (so far) last weekend, and I'm very happy with how the show has turned out so far. Definitely some room for improvement, as always, but I'm glad it's going well. You can watch Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos on December 9, 10, 16, and 17, 7:30pm, at the 2nd Floor FORAB Building, 121 Kamuning Road, Quezon City. Tag, txt, or email me for details, if you're interested.

Niel also recruited me to be assistant director for December Hints of Mistletoe, a Christmas show we're putting up for Temple Hill International School. It's a challenge, and I'm honored Niel thinks well enough of me to consider me for the job. The show is on Friday next week... Let's hope it goes well.

Oh, and do check out the December issue of Fudge Magazine... There's a positive review of SAWI and Starring Miss Lea SalonDa. My name gets mentioned! Yay!

So yeah, my theater life is in high gear right now, and it's absolutely exhilerating.

As for my personal life... Well, that's going well too, thankyouverymuch. So far, so good. (I'm not big on details, but in short, I'm not as... angsty as I tend to be.) Let's see how long that lasts. (Cautious optimism always works for me.)

If I had to change one thing about my life... I definitely want my friends to work out their problems and stuff. I've always been greatly affected by my friends' lives, and it sucks that I feel so helpless sometimes when it comes to trying to, uhh, help them. But I've accepted that I can't fix their lives by myself, so the most I can do is to simply be there for them... and I hope I'm fulfilling my end of the deal.

But that aside... I'm happy. I'm doing what I really want to do, and while life may not be perfect, it's pretty damned good.

The Minute You Walked in the Joint...

2005-11-24T23:40:00.000+08:00
Sweet Charity rehearsals are chugging along, slowly but surely. This week - so far, anyway - has been pretty light so far, and I'm sure this is definitely the least hectic week we'll ever get.

Monday, we had music rehearsals. I finally realized how difficult the music in the show can be. "I Love to Cry at Weddings" - Herman's song - is pretty darn hard and pretty darn high, but I'm thrilled to have such a challenge. I still need to work on my characterization of Herman to make the song work. In any case, I can't wait until we get everything right (and it's shaping up), because it sounds wonderful. ("Rhythm of Life" is starting to take shape, for one. And most of the solos/lead duets are pretty damn good already.)

We didn't have rehearsals last Tuesday.

Wednesday was the second GA for blueREP, and I realized how big Sweet Charity was going to be. Apparently, we have a fancy set, and we'll have two gala nights, complete with red carpet treatment. It's definitely going to be quite an interesting experience.

We also had Fosse Workshops last Wednesday, facilitated by Joshua Tiu, who has appeared on the Broadway productions of A Chorus Line and Chicago. It was a lot of fun. After a brief intro to Bob Fosse, we watched a couple clips from Fosse: "Big Spender" and "Rich Man's Frug." The level of craftsmanship they put into the dances is definitely something to aspire for. After that, we tried out Fosse choreography ourselves. We were taught how to do the Fosse walk, then we were taught approximately a third (or so) of the original Broadway/Fosse choreography of "All That Jazz." The experience was both frightening (for me at the beginning anyway, since I already struggled with the Fosse-style dance auditions) and exhilerating (once we completed a full "run" of the choreography). (You can right-click and download a clip from our little dance here.)

Today, we were supposed to watch the film version of Sweet Charity. Well, okay, we started it, but we didn't get to finish it. The film is quite different from the musical (a bunch of songs were cut, and there were some bits not in the musical), but at least we got an idea of what the story, style, and era were all about. We paused the film to watch Paula, Jill, Vica, Kakki, and Reg perform "Big Spender" for Arabesque, the performance night for the Fine Arts week's Arete celebrations. They were awesome! (Short clips to follow.)

No rehearsals are scheduled for tomorrow, which is good for me, because it's opening night for Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos on Koine, and it means I won't be missing anything.

On Saturday, our music rehearsals will be (briefly) taped by QTV Channel 11 for one of their shows. Should be interesting.

I can't wait until things really rev up. It'll be exhausting and stressful, sure, but at least we'll be even closer to the finished product. I'm excited for this show!

The Friday Five

2005-11-19T20:08:00.000+08:00
Okay, so it's actually Saturday, but no matter. Taken from The Friday Five.

1. What do you do for fun?
Listen to music, and sing along to it out loud whether or not I know all the lyrics.

2. Is there a person from your past you would like to talk to again, even if it would be a potentially painful conversation?
Old friends I've lost contact with, mostly... nothing real painful, I think.

3. What is your favorite comfort food?
Tiramisu.

4. What is your preferred form of self-expression? (Do you dance; or express yourself through music, conversation, etc.)
I prefer to talk things out, but when it's too difficult to do so, I either listen to music (and, again, sing out loud) or write.

5. You just received $5000; what do you spend it on?
CDs, DVDs, books, and a Mac. Oh, and I'll treat my friends to dinner.

Wish Granted!

2005-11-19T00:02:00.000+08:00
I'm playing Herman in blueREP's production of "Sweet Charity"! It's the role I was really aiming for (since I knew, realistically, I wouldn't get the lead roles), so I'm really happy I got it. And I like his song, so that's great.

Budgeting

2005-11-16T11:02:00.000+08:00
This week, I've decided to be a bit more obsessive-compulsive regarding my schedule and finances. As a result, I've come up with ways to budget both my time and money.

I know, it doesn't really sound like me at all. I've never really liked being bound by a schedule, and I'm always up for an impromptu gimik. But it's time for me to start penny-pinching again, so now it's necessary for me to schedule when I can eat out with friends (for example), so I don't spend too much and end up broke before the end of the week.

It isn't a totally concrete schedule, though. Sure, I try my best to follow what I've planned, but I understand that "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry," so there's some wiggle room for appointments running long and sudden gimiks popping up. I've also tried to overbudget my meals... though I'm not quite sure what the benefits of that are as of the moment. I also tend to change my schedule and budget based on things that pop up (such as watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" today).

Scheduling and budgeting will become even more important starting next week, when "Sweet Charity" rehearsals are finally in full swing, as I try to juggle blueREP, Koine, and (hopefully) gym. (Oh, not to mention TV... hehehe...) Hope it works.

...Sweet Charity!

2005-11-13T01:55:00.000+08:00
I'm in.

The Rhythm of Life is a Powerful Beat

2005-11-12T16:09:00.000+08:00
...and I can feel it on my feet. And knees. Oww.

I just arrived home from "Sweet Charity" auditions. The singing part was okay, but as always, I struggled with the dance section. Some of the auditionees are still in Ateneo, as they were asked to read some lines from the musical. I wasn't asked to read, but that's fine.

I'm still hoping I make it to the cast. I really want to do this. As daunting as the dancing is going to be, it's a challenge I'm ready and willing to take on. Unfortunately, I'm worried that it's my bad dancing that won't get me cast in the first place, but... we'll see.

Regardless, I think I'll definitely be helping out with "Sweet Charity," even if it's as a stage manager again. Hopefully I'll be backstage this time around... But again, let's wait and see if I get cast in the first place.

Whew. I think I'm incoherent. I need to rest first before I had to Koine. I'm exhausted!!!

Ill.

2005-11-05T15:05:00.000+08:00
I'm sick.

I definitely have a cold. That much is certain. I've had a cough for a few days now, and my nose has been runny the last couple of days. It's hot when I close my eyes, and that usually means I have a fever.

It sucks. I've been meaning to study my Sweet Charity callback song ("I Love to Cry at Weddings") after a week and a half of procrastinating, and THIS happens. I've also been staying up and about late for the last few days as I've been heading to Koine for rehearsals and shows (not mine, granted, but I have to support my friends... I brought them to Koine, after all).

Last night - or, rather, this morning - was the worst. I couldn't get a good night's sleep, or even any rest. I was tossing and turning a lot, and I could feel my colds (and, possibly, fever) getting worse. It didn't help that my dreams were... weird.

And now my body's aching all over for reasons I don't completely understand. Any little thing causes my body to hurt right now. It's annoying, more than anything.

Naturally, all of this is affecting my mood. It has been a dull Saturday so far (thank goodness for Koine, but I hope I don't cough and/or sneeze through the show), and lack of activity coupled with this cold/fever isn't exactly doing wonders for my mood. I'm a bit depressed, too, though I can't completely explain why.

I hate this feeling.

Thank goodness for Koine tonight. Granted, though, had it been any other night, I probably wouldn't have gone. After all, it's not my show, and I'm not under any obligation to be there, anyway. Plus I have a good excuse not to go. But I'm going anyway. Must support my friends... and it's Papu's second (and last... well, for now) show, so I better show my support.

I just hope nobody catches my cold while I'm there.

Blecch.

Learning by Doing

2005-11-04T09:22:00.000+08:00
It has been nearly a week since the run of SAWI: Single Ako, Warning Ito ended, but I don't really miss the play (yet), probably because I'm busy with the next project (which also involves one of the SAWI actors). Besides, the two-month run (16 shows!) was good while it lasted.

It was quite a learning experience for me. It was my first foray into professional theater, and my first experience of intimate theater. It's definitely different from doing blueREP shows, which is why I really learned a lot. It also made me aware and thankful of what I learned from blueREP; I was able to carry the discipline, professionalism, and punctuality that blueREP wanted to impart to its members. As a result, Niel's experience with Kenneth, Pineds, and I was a positive one and it reflected very well on blueREP.

As for what I learned in Koine... well, that's quite a wide range. I learned a lot more about elements and factors in acting, I learned about directing visually, I learned about complacency (particularly in a long run). I learned about what it's like in other theater groups. I learned about the different learning/memorizing styles in acting, as well as the type of actor you are. (I don't remember the precise terms, but I think I'm a "logical" actor, which means I memorize dialogue and blocking in terms of how it makes sense to the scene, the if-then factor. Also, my performances don't really change, meaning I'm not a spontaneous actor.)

More importantly, I learned a lot about life, in general. I was thrust into a group where everyone had different life experiences. The group was certainly more diverse than blueREP, and while we all shared a common passion for theater, everyone had different paths towards it. I learned more about the hardships (and, to those inclined towards it, the upsides) of corporate life as well as the difficulties of leading a hard-knock life, among other things.

If there's one very important thing I picked up from the whole experience, it's the reiteration of my belief that if you keep working on something you love, something you're passionate about, then in the long run, it will be profitable (financially or otherwise, I suppose). It's definitely not an easy road to take; you'll have to prepare yourself for years of disappointment, failure, and probably an empty wallet (and worse, an empty stomach). But when it finally pays off... it will be glorious.

Post-SAWI, I'll be doing Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos, yet another one act play from Koine. I have callbacks for Sweet Charity, blueREP's major musical this schoolyear, once again to be directed by Chari Arespacochaga. And for two weeks early next year, I'll be doing one segment of Subtext, the Palanca Award-winning play by Niel de Mesa. It's going to be another three to four months of learning experiences, acting tips, and maybe even some hardcore Fosse-style dancing (egads). I'm looking forward to throwing myself into all of those experiences and coming out of it a better actor/performer, and more importantly, a better person.

Dude. :-)

2005-10-29T13:49:00.000+08:00
Taken from LiveScience:

Linguist Deciphers Uses of Word 'Dude'

Dude, you've got to read this. A linguist from the University of Pittsburgh has published a scholarly paper deconstructing and deciphering the word "dude," contending it is much more than a catchall for lazy, inarticulate surfers, skaters, slackers and teenagers.

An admitted dude-user during his college years, Scott Kiesling said the four-letter word has many uses: in greetings ("What's up, dude?"); as an exclamation ("Whoa, Dude!"); commiseration ("Dude, I'm so sorry."); to one-up someone ("That's so lame, dude."); as well as agreement, surprise and disgust ("Dude.").

Kiesling says in the fall edition of American Speech that the word derives its power from something he calls cool solidarity -- an effortless kinship that's not too intimate.

Cool solidarity is especially important to young men who are under social pressure to be close with other young men, but not enough to be suspected as gay.

In other words: Close, dude, but not that close.

All in all, it's a very interesting article about, well, the use of the word dude. I suppose we do need our means of letting someone else know that they're a good friend of ours without being, well, sappy about it.

The site also has another interesting, slightly more recent article, Study: Instant Messaging is Surprisingly Formal :-):

Take this with a wink and a LOL: IM is more formal than you might think. But hey, guys, your punctuation stinks.

Instant messaging (IM) is a relatively new form of communication, in which two people exchange typed messages instantaneously over the Internet. Although written, the fact that IM is more immediate and direct than email makes it seem more like speech than writing.

But a recent study of IM-ing by college students found that the communication was more formal – in use of vocabulary and abbreviations – than might be expected in a speech-like medium. The research also uncovered significant differences in how men and women use the medium.

"The most important finding is that IM by college students does not look like bad writing," said Naomi Baron of American University.

Baron reviewed 23 different conversations and surveyed 158 students. When divided along gender lines, the messages between females were more formal – with fewer contractions and better punctuation – than those between males.

"The female IM looks more like a written genre, while the male IM looks more like a spoken genre," Baron told LiveScience in a telephone interview.

Overall, though, the messages surprised Baron with their level of linguistic sophistication – considering that IM gives the impression that it is something you do "as fast as you can," she said.

There has been a recent interest in how teenagers use IM – infusing it with the newest lingo and emoticons – as in the ubiquitous smiley face :-).

"I had anticipated from what I had read in the popular press about teenagers that the students’ IM would be full of acronyms and abbreviations," Baron said.

Instead, she found in her sample that the writing was more "natural." Out of 11,718 words, there were only 31 abbreviations (mostly "k" for "ok"), 90 acronyms (mostly "LOL" for "laughing out loud"), and only 49 emoticons (mostly the smiley).

Baron presented her results last month at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. She thinks the more writing-like style found in her data may be because the average college student – as opposed to the average teenager – is less concerned with appearing hip to his or her peers.

I'm a Protector Guardian.

2005-10-27T13:43:00.000+08:00
Let's feed the Psych major in me. I used to be INFP, but time seems to have changed me... sort of. Hmm.

Take the Jung Typology Test!

Your Type is ISFJ
Introverted - 11%
Sensing - 25%
Feeling - 75%
Judging - 1%

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:

* slightly expressed introvert
* moderately expressed sensing personality
* distinctively expressed feeling personality
* slightly expressed judging personality

Excerpts from The Portrait of the Protector Guardian (iSfJ):

"The primary desire of the Protector Guardian is to be of service to others, but here "service" means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life (the Provider's concern), as guarding others against life's pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security....

"Protectors find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden and can deal with disability and neediness in others better than any other type. They go about their task of caretaking modestly, unassumingly, and because of this their efforts are not sometimes fully appreciated. They are not as outgoing and talkative as the Providers, except with close friends and relatives. With these they can chat tirelessly about the ups and downs in their lives, moving (like all the Guardians) from topic to topic as they talk over their everyday concerns. However, their shyness with strangers is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth these Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves to those in need...."

Excerpts from ISFJ Profile:

"ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them....

"ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses....

"Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers....

"Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.)... One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling."

Tagged by Tricia...

2005-10-26T21:30:00.000+08:00
10 years ago... I was in Grade 7. I remember I used to play Magic: The Gathering before it was banned. I remember competing against my classmates in the Top Ten of our class. I remember not having a permanent classroom for our advanced Math classes.

5 years ago... I was a college freshman, and this time last year, I was probably enjoying my first long sem break. I remember worrying about my Zoology grades. I remember being more shy and withdrawn, perhaps as a result of... basta. I remember Loyola Film Circle being the only org I was active in.

1 year ago... Merrily We Roll Along! I'd quit my job a month and a half prior, all for the love of musical theater. Merrily We Roll Along. Yeah, that pretty much describes it all.

Tomorrow... Will probably head to the gym in the morning. Rehearsals at Koine at 2pm. Production meeting for Koine at 7pm. Meeting up with old high school friends at 9pm.

5 snacks I enjoy. Tiramisu. Cheesecake. Chocnut. Ice cream. Twister fries.

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs. See, the problem is that I don't really remember lyrics, aside from Broadway musicals. But the artists whose songs I'm most familiar with are... Josh Groban, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Jars of Clay, Coldplay.

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000. Build a theater for blueREP (so we'll never worry about venue ever again). Expand Koine's theater (that Greenbelt theaters thing Niel wants). Watch a bunch of Broadway shows. Buy a house. Treat my friends to good food.

5 places I would want to run away to. New York. Sydney. Sweden. Bacolod. Cannes.

5 bad habits I have. Procrastination. Not finishing what I start. Biting my fingernails. Sleeping late (or early morning). Being messy, in general.

5 things I like doing. Acting/Performing. Writing. Hanging out with friends. Eating dessert. Going to the gym.

5 things I will never outgrow. Comics. Cartoons. Being fascinated by the simplest things. Being makulit. Biting my fingernails.

5 tv shows i like. LOST! The Amazing Race. Will and Grace. House. Arrested Development.

5 people I'd like to meet. Josh Groban. JJ Abrams. Stephen Sondheim. Hugh Jackman. Jennifer Garner.

5 biggest joys at the moment. Performing. Writing. Being a blueREPper. Having talked to... someone, and being okay with it. Losing weight.

5 toys. iPod Mini. Cellular phone. PC. Umm... DVD player. Watch. (I don't have too many gadgets.)

5 favorites smells. Rain. My fabric softener (Tanya said it smelled nice). Someone's cologne, no idea what it is. The beach. Coffee shops.

tag 5 people. Mia. Tanya. Laura. Pearl. Doble.

What a Day, What a Day...

2005-10-25T23:40:00.000+08:00
Extremely tired today.

Woke up early to finish burning study CDs for Sweet Charity, then headed straight to auditions. Singing auditions went okay, but the dance auditions were just... blecch. Fosse-style dancing is hard. All those sharp angles and isolations... so hard to do when one isn't, er, angular, if you know what I mean. I think I screwed it up so much the first go-around that they called me to do it again. I don't really know, though. Meh.

Callbacks on November 12. Gotta start studying "I Love to Cry at Weddings." Wonderful. Let's see how this goes. We might have more dance auditions on that date, so... that might be my downfall. Meh.

After a heavy merienda (lunch for some) at Bento Box, headed straight for rehearsals at Koine. We finally got to the heavy drama part of it, and it's quite a challenge. That's part of the reason I wanted to do Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos in the first place; I'd never done drama, and it's a challenge I was looking forward to. Well, we finally got to it... It's strange to be doing such heavy drama. But I got pretty good reviews for it, so I guess I'm doing fine...

After that, had dinner and a chat with some old high school friends. Ah, the good old days...

I'm exhausted. I should sleep now.

A Good Day for Theater

2005-10-24T22:03:00.000+08:00
Today was quite a good day for my theater life. Started out this morning throwing lines with Ozy in preparation for rehearsals later in the day. After throwing lines (and an interesting tarot card reading session), we had lunch at Jollibee.

Then it was off to Koine for rehearsals for Sampung Minuto Bago Makaraos. We accomplished a lot. Who knew it was so tiring to just sit in one position for a couple of hours? Granted, there's some acting involved, but you'd think it'd be easier to stay seated than to walk around. It's just as challenging. (We even had it easier today; we didn't have to sit on the actual toilet seats, just on Monobloc chairs.) I also realized how difficult it is to laugh - and convincingly - on-cue. People make such a hullabaloo about being able to cry on cue, but to laugh... now there is an acting challenge.

After that, I stuck around waiting for the readings/auditions for Subtext. Although I was there primarily to support the blueREPpers there - Shark, Gary, Joy, Rafaela, and Reg - I also joined the reading so I can have the option to do the show in the future. I love the play, so I insisted on joining the reading even if I couldn't join the shows on November 4, 5, 11, and 12 (because Niel insists on keeping his actors focused on the next play). The reading went well. I had to stretch my acting abilities yet again, pulling out every emotional moment in my arsenal to read. I don't know if I pulled it off, but Niel seemed pleased, and he said I'll be doing it for special shows in the future, so... In any case, the blueREPpers did their thing and impressed Niel.

Tomorrow... Sweet Charity auditions. Scary. I hope I do well, but I'm not going to expect anything out of it.

Back to Blogger

2005-10-24T00:32:00.000+08:00
Well, it looks like I'm reviving my old blog here at Blogspot, but under a different name and URL. It's not that I'm completely abandoning my LJ. I just got extremely frustrated trying to figure out how to do a wider range of customizations on the darned things.

So, in order to satisfy the more... "creative" and "artistic" sides of me, I decided to head to Blogspot/Blogger in order to be able to manipulate the templates more. I realize now that I still have so much to learn, but I'm willing to take the time. After all, I'm positively made of time these days. Hee hee.

Like I said, I'm not completely abandoning my LJ. Most likely I'll be cross-posting items here and there. Let's see how long this lasts.

On a side note, it's funny to look at these two-year old entries. Wow.

This Sounds Right...

2004-01-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

You are guided by water. You are generally calm and
peaceful, but you can be very destructive
without even realizing it.(Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
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Fool of a Took!

2004-01-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

Congratulations! You're Pippin!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
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