...at RenRobles.com, which is where I'll be posting most of my blog entries from now on. I've got a couple of new entries up right now, actually. Check it out.

Before he left for Brunei, our HSM choreographer, Dan Cabrera, told us to live each day as if it were our last. It was one way to guarantee that we would be happy with our lives, because we'd keep going for whatever it is we want to. It's possible to do everything we want to do; it's just that normally, something holds us back.

The other day, the same theme popped up in a conversation. "Carpe diem" was the famous quote from Dead Poets Society. Seize the day. It's basically diving head first into whatever life throws at us. It's embracing the situation no matter how dire.

Later that night, I found out (and saw) that one of my closest friends got into a car accident. He's fine, thank God, but it still illustrates one important fact about life: It ends, and more often than not, you don't know when.

My favorite lyric from the Rent musical - and one which continues to be my motto - is "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." I will admit that I have made many mistakes in life. There are a lot of things I wish I didn't do, and things I probably shouldn't have done. But I don't regret any of the decisions I've made. Not because I'm a heartless bastard. I don't regret them because I know they've shaped the person I am today. If it weren't for those missteps, I wouldn't have learned my lessons.

Live like you were dying.
Carpe diem.
Seize the day.
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

But there's one big thing that stops people (including myself, admittedly) from leading such a life: FEAR. There's fear of the consequences of your actions. There's fear of the action itself. There's fear of the reactions of the people involved. There's fear of failure. There's fear of rejection. There's fear of getting hurt.

I've been hurt before. A lot. Heaven knows I've done and said a lot of things that have ended with me feeling like I've hit rock-bottom, or feeling like I'm worthless. And perhaps in the moment, it's the end of the world for me. But one year later, you think about that exact same moment, and things don't seem so bad. And you may not have realized it then, but you've learned a very important lesson about yourself and about life in general.

Aside from fear, there's another thing that seems to cripple people (or at least it cripples me) and prevents them from living life to its fullest: HELPLESSNESS. It runs both ways. Sometimes, one feels helpless when faced with a certain situation, that current events can only lead to defeat, and that there's no way to stop it. And sometimes, one feels helpless when you see someone else hurting, and you know you want to help, but you don't know how to do it. It's like watching, well, a car accident, and not being able to stop it or make it better.

I've been thinking about how helpless I feel sometimes. And the easy way out sometimes is to go the emo route, to let things happen and to embrace the depression that follows. It's very defeatist, and it's something I'm good at. I've always been the person who carries the burden by himself, then grumbling about it after. But I realize now one simple solution for helplessness: Ask for help. It seems easy, but it's not. Asking for help obviously tells the world that you need help, and in this world where personal responsibility and industry are valued over cooperation, asking for help makes you look weak. But we need help sometimes. Man is a social being, and we do need the presence, company, and help of other people to survive. The danger, of course, is dependency on the other person, and while I don't have the solution to that, my theory is that cooperating with other people helps us learn how to handle things when the situation comes up again, so that eventually, we can tackle certain things on our own.

I guess I've rambled on long enough about this topic. I guess there's just one way for me to wrap this up.

Live like you were dying.
Carpe diem.
Seize the day.
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
...but I need your help. And I'm asking for your help now.
And I'll help you as well.

Because I realize now that expressing myself, whether or not there's a specific target, is far better than keeping things in until it's too much to contain.

Most of my updates will be at RenRobles.com, although I will still blog here every now and then. Kasi... wala lang. Hehe.

I'm having a great holiday season.

Thanks to all my friends for making this possible. It has been a blast of a week, and it more than makes up for the fiasco that was last week. Ugh.

Happy Holidays!

It hasn't been the most Christmas-y season. I usually feel a mild holiday buzz sometime in December before Christmas, and this year, it just wasn't there. Sure, I felt a slight tinge as I was buying Christmas presents for some of my friends, and giving the actual gifts made me all warm and fuzzy inside, but it just wasn't the same. I'm sure getting sick less than a week before Christmas didn't help matters.

I was resigned to the fact that this was gonna be the least merry Christmas yet. Heck, I was at the mall wandering aimlessly on Christmas Eve!

Then Christmas came.

I thought I was heading out with my mom and my aunt for a quick Christmas lunch somewhere, then coming straight home. Instead, I found out we were headed to my stepdad's family gathering. I'm not close to that side of the family, so it was a little disappointing, admittedly, but what the hey. It's Christmas.

I'll admit I didn't exactly do anything... social at the party, and I was mostly just a silent observer. But it was somehow still a lot of fun watching the kids there. It made me wish I was a kid again. Things definitely seemed much simpler back when you were a kid. Now, years later, we're faced with so many Real World dilemmas and such that it's easy to get cynical and/or jaded around Christmastime. If there's one thing that was missing for my Christmases of late, it's that wide-eyed joy I once had as a child.

I suppose I was determined to get it back.

That night, after a quick dinner with the family, I headed for Joy's house for a little Christmas get-together. Now THAT was fun. The old friends - Mia, Harold, Joy, and I - were all there, as were some other fun folks. We headed out into the streets of Mandaluyong to enjoy Christmas. And wow, that was lots of fun! Particularly fun was going into Policarpio Street to look at the lights displays of some houses.

There were a LOT of people at Policarpio Street, and it's not hard to imagine why. A handful of houses were decorated with a LOT of lights. It was a nice treat for everyone. And that's when I found the day's wide-eyed joy moment. At that moment, I was just marvelling at what they had done to their houses, fascinated by the lights. I was awestruck.

After that short trek to Policarpio Street, we headed home for dinner, wine, and videoke. Pure unadulterated FUN was had that Christmas night.

And I guess that's one of the things that makes Christmas special. It's not the presents (although I got some awesome little gifts this year). It's the general spirit of the holiday.

To everyone who greeted me, gave me gifts, and spent the day with me: Thanks for making this one of the best Christmases of my adult life!

Survey shamelessly stolen from Anna... because I have nothing better to do right now.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't recall making any resolutions, but I do plan on setting goals for myself for 2007. After all, I'm hoping it's gonna be a big year for me.

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Direction and discretion. I really should have better judgment when it comes to, well, life in general.

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?
May 27: Merrily We Roll Along. August 11: Aladdin Jr. September 5: My birthday! November 20 and December 1: Tending my dreams. ;)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
One is landing the role of Charley Kringas in the Rep Workshop production of Merrily We Roll Along. Another is getting into (and surviving a 5-month run of) Aladdin Jr. And of course, tending my dreams. ;)

What was your biggest failure?
Failures in judgment, there were many. ;)

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Allergies shut down my system during the last week of August. And I just recently had (have?) a bad case of food poisoning. Blecch.

Where did most of your money go?
Food, drinks, and assorted media.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Sweet Charity. Merrily We Roll Along!!! Aladdin Jr. Old Apologies. High School Musical. Voice lessons with Teacher Lionel. Moving into my Makati place. And tending my dreams, of course. ;)

What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?
The Merrily We Roll Along cast recording. "Heart and Music" from A New Brain. "Alone in the Universe" from Seussical the Musical. The High School Musical soundtrack. The It's Only Life cast recording.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I can't tell. I'd like to think I'm happier, in general.
ii. thinner or fatter? No change, though this little illness is probably making me thinner,
iii.
richer or poorer? I have no idea.

What do you wish you'd done more?
Exercise. Gotten rest. (I know those two ideas are antithetical, but yeah.) Write.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Go emo, particularly while drinking.

What was your favorite TV program?
There's always Lost, The Amazing Race, Survivor, and American Idol... and now there's HEROES!

What was the best book you read?
Acting is a Job.

What did you want and get?
I got to experience living by myself. And I got a laptop! And of course, I managed to tackle a lead role in a musical. THAT was AWESOME.

What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't recall watching too many movies... But I loved The Departed, The Devil Wears Prada, and Happy Feet.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24 on the day of my birthday, and I spent it with two of my favorite people in the world. We ate at the Saisaki buffet and stuffed ourselves, then headed to my place for cake.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Shirt-and-jeans, as always. And at some point, I did the preppy thing.

What kept you sane?
Theater. Friends.

Who did you miss?
Some old friends I don't see anymore. My college blockmates and old college orgmates. My friends who have since moved to the States, or were lost to the call centers.

Who was the best new person you met?
Most of the Rep workshoppers. Teacher Lionel. Robbie and Nic. Some Aladdin and HSM cast mates.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Moderation is key. And dreams don't die, so keep an eye on your dreams...

What did you like most about yourself this year?
I followed through on taking the road-less-travelled.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
Drinking while emo.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
The lyrics to "Heart and Music."

Was 2006 a good year for you?
Definitely.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Merrily We Roll Along. I think it still ranks as the proudest moment of my life.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Anytime I went drinking while emo. I can name two incidents.

Where were you when 2006 began? Who were you with?
At home with my family, online. Boring, eh?

Where will you be when 2006 ends? Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
Ditto. Maybe.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
Just a set of personal goals.

What was your favorite month of 2006?
Hmm. May.

What was your favorite record from 2006?
I think It's Only Life came out this year, so that.

How many concerts did you see in 2006?
Two: Heart and Music, and OperaLite.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2006?
Does the sun rise in the east?

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Again, drinking while emo...

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
Merrily We Roll Along.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?
Still drinking while emo...

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
I've never believed in changing things, because they always point you in the right direction, ultimately.

What are your plans for 2007?
Tend my dreams.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I'd like to think I've grown and matured. More importantly, the path to the rest of my life has been illuminated. Plus, I know who I can rely on... I hope.

What are your wishes for the new year?
World peace. *wave to camera*